


who let peter get a twitter?

by Opacityxl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I’m in love with this, M/M, new twitter fic hehe, way better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2019-09-26 20:05:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 14,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17148281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opacityxl/pseuds/Opacityxl
Summary: peter is a lil shit who tweets a lot of things hehe, also all the avengers l o v e him, infinity war didn’t happen.





	1. peter and wade sitting in a tree...

**Author's Note:**

> ok gonna clear some things up  
> peter is 18 and wade is 19 thanks hehe

avery @devilbb

OK I LOVE SPIDERMAN OH MY GOD SKSKSK

 

june:) @whorey 

WHAT WHY ALSO I LOVE HIM 2

 

avery @devilbb

HE LITERALLY WAS SWINGING THROUGH OK AND HE NOTICED MY BI PIN AND COMPLIMENTED IT OMG GFKKD

 

june:) @whorey

W O W SPIDEY IS BI CONFIRMED 

 

spiderSON @spidey

idk guys sounds f a k e

 

june:) @whorey 

wow i love u sm i’m literally crying

 

spiderSON @spidey 

please don’t cry :’)

 

avery @devilbb

sorry if this is personal but are you bi??? like actually 

 

spiderSON @spidey

i’d rather not say honestly, sorry :-(

 

june:) @whorey

it’s ok!!!! we still love u

 

avery @devilbb

I CANT BELIEVE I JUST HAD A FULL ON CONVO WITH HIM SKSKSK

 

-

 

mac n tony @tonystark

there’s no way peter parker is NOT innocent 

 

pete @peterparker

me, knowing full well what everything means but acting dumb to please the fucking avengers: mhm

 

birdfucker @clintbarton

wtf there’s no way you know what sex is ur like twelve 

 

pete @peterparker

clint,,, what the fuck does ur twitter name mean and please change it

 

birdfucker @clintbarton 

???? it means like ‘oh there goes the birdfucker haha hes a good old folk’

 

birdfucker @clintbarton

oh O H

 

pete @peterparker

yeah clint y e a h

 

cawcaw @clintbarton

better?

 

pete @peterparker

y e s

 

-

 

i’m gay thanks @urmom

who is peter parker and why is he all over my feed

 

pete @peterparker

h i

 

shuwi @shuri

that was so ominous i’m scared

 

pete @peterparker

your name on twitter stared me right in the eyes before writing a 50,000 word fanfic on wattpad about my bulge.

 

shuwi @shuri

is it bad i know these types of girls

 

pete @peteparker 

oh no shuri o h n o

 

-

 

hello @kat

there’s no way N O N E of the avengers are gay :(

 

stoopid @weewoo

um hello, bucky barnes and steve rogers are gay for each other 

 

hello @kat 

someone confirm or deny this 

 

stoopid @weewoo

@spidey pls confirm we trust u the most uwu

 

spiderSON @spidey

no i would never do that to them, i love them too much

 

spiderSON @spidey 

fuck never mind, bucky and steve are dating 

 

hello @kat

that was a quick turn 

 

spiderSON @spidey

yeah well that was before i knew they called my crush and interrogated them

 

buck @buckybarnes

w o w you went in for the kill there bud

 

spiderSON @spidey 

bucky stfu i’m mad at you, hey guys did you know bucky stress bakes, also he ran into a pole yesterday because steve winked at him.

 

spiderSON @spidey

also

 

buck @buckybarnes

OK YOU GOT ME i’m leaving

 

-

 

sammy bitch @samwilson

who the fuck pissed in peter’s cereal.

 

pete @peterparker

sam, you act like someone shit in ur fucking cereal everyday i think i’m entitled to one bad day thanks

 

sammy bitch @samwilson

w h o a

 

laia @crazybitch

what happened 

 

mac n tony @tonystark

it’s not that big of a deal

 

pete @peterparker

NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL oh ok, HE HASNT TALKED TO ME IN A WEEK BECAUSE HES SCARED OF YOU NOSY FUCKS

 

mac n tony @tonystark

peter we already apologized 

 

pete @peterparker

i’m fucking 18 and you told my best friend in the entire world that i had a crush on him when i specifically told you not to

 

pete @peterparker

i can move out you know. i’m old enough to.

 

gee :’) @mclovinu

i mean i love you guys but that’s kinda messed up

 

spiderMOM @natasha 

peter, you’re not gonna move out.

 

pete @peterparker

or what? are you gonna tie me down? well guess what natasha you fucking can’t cause ur not even the one who has custody of me. so there’s zero shit you could do.

 

hawry @harryosborn

you can move into my house 

 

mac n tony @tonystark

peter fuck, don’t move out. please for the love of god, can we just sit down and have a conversation about what happened.

 

pete @peterparker

no tony, we can’t. 

 

-

 

michelle @mj

i’ve never actually seen peter genuinely angry they must’ve pissed him off bad.

 

hawry @harryosborn

yeah he’s at my house right now. he’s eating pasta like it personally hurt him.

 

neddie @nedleeds

i can come over if he wants.

 

hawry @harryosborn

he said in a very sad voice, yes

 

shuwi @shuri

i think this calls for a movie night, what do you think mj?

 

michelle @mj

i think it does and we will not mention what happened deal?

 

neddie @nedleeds

deal

 

hawry @harryosborn

deal

 

shuwi @shuri

deal

 

-

 

i can cry on command @badactress

peter’s friends r so cute wtf

 

moth @mothman

i know, the avengers messed up really bad.

 

i can cry on command @badactress 

hey did you see that @spidey changed his name from spiderSON to just spiderman. i hope he’s ok.

 

-

 

mac n tony @tonystark

can we please talk, please pete it doesn’t even have to be long.

 

pete @peterparker

fine. text me where you want to meet.

 

-

  
  
  


wade @wadewilson

COME OVER PETER

 

pete @peterparker

wade

 

wade @wadewilson

yes darling 

 

pete @peterparker

the tweet is public 

 

wade @wadewilson 

SH it 

 

kitty @mamacat

too late we already saw, ladies let’s start the gossip

 

plants r better @plantmom

his boyfriend

 

kitty @mamacat

keep em coming 

 

pete @peterparker

PLEase i will come to ur house and pay u

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

his WHAT

 

pete @peterparker

NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING DONT TELL TONY PLEASE STEVE PLEASE IM SUPPOSED TO BE MAD AT HIM STEVE PLEASE

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

hm fine, but i need to have a lil talk with wade >:(

 

wade @wadewilson 

present

 

stevie wonder @steverogers 

you break his heart, i break your neck :-)

 

wade @wadewilson

i’m shaking now thank you sir, i will not hurt him.

 

stevie wonder @steverogers 

i approve 

 

pete @peterparker 

oh thank god

 

mac n tony @tonystark

HE HAS A WHAT

 

pete @peterparker

fuck

 

-

 

boobs hehe @gay

so how was the whole boyfriend thing peter

 

pete @peterparker

i am crying, bucky and steve gave me the gay sex talk for like three hours 

 

buck @buckybarnes

you need to know, protection is important

 

pete @peterparker

but i already know how it works

 

pete @peterparker

NOBODY READ THAT LAST TWEET FORGET FROEKMD

 

buck @buckybarnes

WHAT you had WHAT WITH WHO

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

bucky he’s 18 of course he has sex with someone

 

buck @buckybarnes

YOURE NOT HELPING STEVE

 

buck @buckybarnes 

w h o

 

pete @peterparker

bucky i’m not fucking telling you about this 

 

buck @buckybarnes

i’m telling ur dad 

 

pete @peterparker

my dad is dead

 

buck @buckybarnes 

ur non-biological dad

 

pete @peterparker

who

 

mac n tony @tonystark

me bitch

 

pete @peterparker

jesus fuck

 

-

 

sammy @samwilson

WHO ATE MY FUCKING CAKE

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

@spidey

 

spidercan @spidey 

SNITCH you did too

 

sammy @samwilson

SPIDERMAN U SUCK

 

spidercan @spidey

u swallow

 

sammy @samwilson

i

 

-

 

ari @peep

what does peter look like ????

 

michelle @mj

his tik tok is @imhalfgay

 

ari @peep 

ok thank u michelle

 

pete @peterparker

NO DOTN FO PLS

 

mackenzie @ass

WHOA he’s h o t

 

wade @wadewilson

i know right wtf 

 

pete @peterparker 

s t o p

 

mackenzie @ass

*I am amazed at how highly attractive this teenager is, and i’m into girls.

 

hawry @harryosborn

he high key low key cute 

 

ari @peep

can you believe ur dating t h a t @wadewilson

 

wade @wadewilson

nope :’-)

 

-

 

flash @flashthompson

being gay is fucking disgusting 

 

pete @peterparker

EXCUSE m e what, say it again flash

 

flash @flashthompson 

shut the fuck up faggot 

 

love is love @lgbtawareness

that was so uncalled for

 

pete @peterparker

flash, you don’t have to hate on the whole lgbt community just because your mad no girl OR guy finds you date worthy

 

flash @flashthompson 

fuck you 

 

pete @peterparker

i thought you were straight?

 

-

 

gill @avengemewhew

i just saw all the avengers together with peter and wade, and honestly i’ve never been more intimidated in my entire life.

 

ss @book

LUCKY

 

gill @avengemewhew

they were all so nice!!!! and i’m very confused why was peter only in socks 

 

pete @peterparker

they woke me up from my nap and i was too lazy to get shoes 

 

wade @wadewilson 

they were an inch away from your hands

 

pete @peterparker

too far 

 

-

 

spiderMOM @natasha 

i am very uncomfortable 

 

buck. @buckybarnes

why

 

spiderMOM @natasha 

people keep dming me why i have such a hot son

 

buck @buckybarnes

what s o n

 

spiderMOM @natasha 

peter

 

buck @buckybarned

y u c k, they do know he has a boyfriend right

 

pete @peterparker

i get dms like that too it’s ok

 

mac n tony @tonystark

can people stop sexualizing my son thanks :)

 

pete @peterparker

thank u dad

 

-

 

pete @peterparker

hey do u guyd knowf my boynfirnwd  I LOVE HIM

 

wade @wadewilson 

are you ??? drunk

 

pete @peterparker

onvly a lil bit wadieeeeeee

 

wade @wadewilson

peter where are you??? text me i’m worried

 

pete @peterparker

ok i love you so much!!!! i love you do u gays know i have a boyfriendfel 

 

neddie @nedleeds

GAYS SKSKSKS

 

ellie @wii

wade being worried abt peter is so cute i l o v e

 

ellie @wii 

also peter you aren’t legally allowed to drink 

 

pete @peterparker

bad biyfs bad boys what u gonna do wee woo

 

neddie @nedleeds

nice singing pete

 

pete @peterparker

thank u neddie i love you so much!! 

 

wade @wadewilson

ok i think that’s enough tweeting for you

 

pete @peterparker 

BYE IVLLVR YOUVGUUS 

 

-

 

“I love you Ned, byeeee” Peter slurred over his words as Wade shifted them, taking most of Peter’s weight with ease.

 

Ned grinned waving at the boy, and giggling when he almost tripped. “Bye buddy, text me tomorrow.” 

 

Peter gave a dopey smile before he dropped his head on Wade’s shoulder, sighing as his whole body relaxed. 

 

“Ned is so nice, can you tell him that?” Wade hummed in response, buckling Peter’s seatbelt with a click. 

 

Peter made a sound in the back of his throat, eyes closing as he used Wade’s sweater as a pillow.

 

“You’re gonna have a hell of a hangover tomorrow, babe.” Wade murmured, starting the engine and turning on the heater just for his boyfriend. 

 

Peter’s head rolled before the brunettes eyes were on Wade. “I love that word.” Wade glanced at him, eyebrows scrunched together.

 

“babe?” Peter nodded and Wade smiled, eyes going soft. 

 

“Good, because i’ll be calling you that a lot.” 

 

_ god he loved him. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. in which peter is the youngest :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> should i mix a group chat fic into this???? comment, cause i kinda want to but idk

pete @peterparker

d i e

 

michelle @mj 

question 

 

pete @peterparker

shoot hehe

 

michelle @mj 

are you okay. 

 

pete @peterparker

i have a killer headache hehe 

 

FRIDAY @friday

tell boss peter, you know he likes knowing about this stuff.

 

pete @peterparker

since when do you have a twitter

 

FRIDAY @friday

since you always go on it.

 

gina @hello

e x p o s e d

 

-

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

SINCEWHEN THE FUCK CAN SPIDERMAN  LIFT SO MUCH WEIGHT WHAT THE FUCKDNJ

 

spidercan @spidey

wtf you didn’t know??? you literally threw a bus on me

 

mac n tony @tonystark

i’m sorry HE DID WHAT

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

I THOUGHT THE SUIT DID THAT NOT PHYSICALLY YOU

 

spidercan @spidey

yeah man :-) 

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

you can lift more than me!!!! what’s your maximum

 

spidercan @spidey

20,000

 

dp @deadpool

wow i love a strong man ;)

 

spidercan @spidey

fuck off

 

spiderMOM @natasha

can you and deadpool stop flirting, you’re adding ten years onto my life 

 

spidercan @spidey

ok mom

 

mac n tony @tonystark

UH HELLO ARE PEOPLE GOING TO DISREGARD THAT STEVE THRew A FUCKING BUS ONTO SOIDERMAN DN

 

spidercan @spidey

are you ok

 

mac n tony @tonystark

i need to sit down

 

spidercan @spidey

please do you are my favorite and it will be a shame if you died.

 

mac n tony @tonystark

ok that made me feel better thank you spiderman

 

spidercan @spidey

ur welcome 

 

-

 

brew @whitemanswhore

can dp and spiderman come out as a couple PLEASE

 

ark @cbipped

i don’t think spider-man’s gay, stop shipping real people it’s fucking disgusting.

 

dp @deadpool

we’ll save you the embarrassment brew, and just get right to it. we ARE dating

 

spidercan @spidey

for fucks sakes it was supposed to be a secret for a reason dumbass 

 

dp @deadpool

sorry babe

 

brew @whitemanswhore

are my eyes deceiving me??? did you just call spiderman babe w o w. lucky day to be alive!!

 

dp @deadpool

he blocked me 

 

shuwi @shuri

LMAO it’s what you deserve for blowing it on a girl who said she SHIPS you not speculates.

 

brew @whitemanswhore

now i feel bad

 

shuwi @shuri

not your fault sweetie, it’s all deadpool’s. you’re in the clear.

 

brew @whitemanswhore

whew

 

dp @deadpool

he keeps texting me dumbass over and over, i think i broke him???

 

-

 

doNUT @horny

do u think spiderman cums but like it’s like webbing

 

spidercan @spidey

what the fuck

 

shuwi @shuri

@horny it is way too early for this.

 

spidercan @spidey

how would i??? you do know that i MADE the webbing right. it doesn’t physically come out of me. the fact that i have to explain this concerns me

 

dp @deadpool

i could’ve answered the question for you and it would’ve taken three seconds to explain

 

spidercan @spidey

i’m going to choke you

 

dp @deadpool

whatever you’re into 

 

doNUT @horny

i am so sorry that was a drunk tweet from 2 am and holy shit deadpool wtf

 

spidercan @spidey

g r o s s

 

doNUT @horny

we all know you didn’t find that gross

 

spidercan @spidey

stfu stop exposing me

 

-

 

pepper @pepperpotts

tony i’m going to kill you, and peter benjamin parker you can watch.

 

pete @peterparker

i just felt a chill up my spine 

 

mac n tony @tonystark

what did we do????

 

pepper @pepperpotts

what have i told you about leaving take out food in the lab

 

pete @peterparker

that it will stink up the lab

 

mac n tony @tonystark

that it will stink up the lab

 

pepper @pepperpotts

clean it up 

 

pete @peterparker

but you don’t even go in the lab 

 

pepper @pepperpotts

NOW

 

mac n tony @tonystark

can’t i just get dum-e to clean it 

 

pepper @pepperpotts

why are you arguing with me tony? i always win and you know that.

 

mac n tony @tonystark

fine

 

michelle @mj 

i aspire to be like you when i’m older pepper 

 

pepper @pepperpotts

thank you michelle

 

-

 

buck @buckybarnes

i think wade and peter are mini us @steverogers

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

wade is taller than both of us

 

buck @buckybarnes

peter isn’t

 

pete @peterparker

wow rude

 

michelle @mj 

small 

 

pete @peterparker

:’-(

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

anyways how are they anyway like us

 

buck @buckybarnes

peter: should i blend three red bull’s into my coffee 

wade: why would i want you to do that?

peter: i don’t know but i wasn’t really asking for a yes or no so i’m gonna do it anyway

 

shuwi @shuri

so peter did you do it

 

pete @peterparker

hell yeah i did

 

wade @wadewilson

he threw it up two hours later 

 

shuwi @shuri 

sucks 

 

mac n tony @tonystark

why does no one tell me about these things

 

clint @hawkeye

you’ll probably have heart failure 

 

mac n tony @tonystark

IM NOT THAT OLD

 

pete @peterparker

you act like ur 80 

 

mac n tony @tonystark

and you still act 14 so

 

pete @peterparker

ok tony you know what i’m gonna say it

 

mac n tony @tonystark

say it

 

pete @peterparker

i’m not applying for mit

 

mac n tony @tonystark

PETER I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD YOU BETTER APPLY FOR MIT OR I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN 

 

pete @peterparker

bet 

 

FRIDAY @friday

Boss, I would request you don’t go all the way to new york from you’re meeting in california.

 

mac n tony @tonystark

ok friday i wasn’t actually gonna do it

 

pete @peterparker 

haha

 

mac n tony @tonystark

shut it kid

 

-

 

bars @imalwaystiredhehe

@peterparker what are you?

 

pete @peterparker

human

 

bars @imalwaystiredhehe

no like what’s ur race

 

pete @peterparker

i’m half italian 

 

bars @imalwaystiredhehe

speak some italian for me 

 

pete @peterparker

italiano per te [1]

 

bars @imalwaystiredhehe

w o w i love you even more now

 

mac n tony @tonystark 

vai a dormire cucciolo, è tardi @peterparker [2]

 

pete @peterparker

>:(

 

mac n tony @tonystark 

now

 

-

 

pete @peterparker

hangin out with the elders hehe @tonystark @buckybarnes @steverogers

 

mac n tony @tonystark

blocked

 

-

 

papi @spanishking

i was turning in a application for a internship and i heard FRIDAY say sam owes 50 bucks???

 

mac n tony @tonystark

that’s for every time spiderman beats specifically steve, natasha or bucky at combat

 

papi @spanishking

is that often

 

spidercan @spidey

no

 

spidercan @spidey

i do beat deadpool ALL the time humble brag

 

dp @deadpool

ok shut up

 

papi @spanishking

do u have a record 

 

spidercan @spidey

three seconds

 

dp @deadpool

I GET DISTRACTED 

 

ari @hello

FILM IT FOR US

 

spiderMOM @natasha

here’s a video of the only time they were in their suits  _ spidermankicksdeadpoolsass.mp4 _

 

michelle @mj

DAMN he pinned him with no hesitation 

 

spiderMOM @natasha

i know i think the small giggle after deadpool lays there for like three seconds really pulls it together 

 

dp @deadpool

now i’m embarrassed 

 

papi @spanishking

@tonystark you should program FRIDAY to say gay everytime deadpool stares at spider-man’s ass just to get his ass kicked

 

dp @deadpool 

worth it

 

-

 

bitch @hehe

spider-man’s ass is top NOTCH

 

dp @deadpool

rt 

 

spidercan @spidey

thank

 

michelle @mj

t h a n k

 

-

 

max @urboy

all of starks kids are unbelievably attractive wtf

 

harley @petersbbsitter

we know 

 

shuwi @shuri 

do i count

 

max @urboy

yes

 

michelle @mj 

me too???

 

max @urboy

lll just tag @wadewilson @peterparker @mj @shuri @petersbbsitter @ririupmyass @spidey @nedleeds

 

spidercan @spidey

YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MY FACE LOOKS LIKE

 

max @urboy

i can sense it 

 

harley @petersbbsitter

speaking of starks kids were all together

 

ari @hello

wow wowkwkwkw that’s hot

 

ari @hello 

question time for you guys

 

riri @ririupmyass

y a yyytatayay

 

ari @hello 

who’s the youngest

 

harley @petersbbsitter

peter hence my name

 

pete @peterparker

IM ONE MONTH YOUNGER THAN NED NOT FAIR

 

neddie @nedleeds

haha

 

riri @ririupmyass

here’s in order from oldest to youngest me (20,) harley (19) wade (19) michelle (18) shuri (18) ned (18) peter (18)

 

papi @urdadfuck

what abt spidey

 

pete @peterparker

we r not allowed to say anything abt him

 

-

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading hehe, here’s the transitions 
> 
> [1] italian for you
> 
> [2] go to sleep puppy, it’s late


	3. peter is hurt (short chapter sorry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, so sorry for the short chapter my head is like mushed for ideas. i have terrible writers block for this story so yeahhhh. i know you guys like it a lot and thank you so much for the supportive comments!!!! also my sleeping schedule is messed up bad :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this chapter is so tiny, irondad if u squint super super hard

stevie wonder @steverogers

@tonystark we need you in medical.

 

mac n tony @tonystark

what why? is someone hurt are YOU hurt?

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

it’s peter

 

mac n tony @tonystark

on my way

 

ronnie @idk

what??? is he ok??? 

 

shuwi @shuri

he has a concussion and broken ribs. i’m pretty sure he will be fine. 

 

shuwi @shuri

i’ll be the one to keep you guys updated since everyone else will be worrying

 

mackenzie @booksrlife

update us please!!!! i hope he makes it out okay, prayers to u guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey it’s me again what’s up hehe. sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger but i would really appreciate if y’all checked out my tumblr @iloveyoupeterparker, i’m trying to grow it more and i would really really really like if you gave me prompts. i take irondad prompts and all that <3


	4. i lived bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok hey guys (and girlies), i need ur help! YES YOU, because of my unfortunate brain i can’t think of anything to write. so tell me what u wanna see in this story??? u want to see more irondad? on it. more stucky? on it. a particular prompt? on it

Tony rested his forehead on Peter’s thigh, heartbeat calming as he listened to the teen’s ragged breathing. He let out a shaky breath before carding his hand through Peter’s curls.

 

Peter gave them all quite a scare when Bucky found _Spider-man_ lying unconscious in an alleyway. He was going to be okay, Tony repeated to himself in a mantra.

 

“I’m so relieved you’re alive, _bambino._ Like you wouldn’t believe.” Tony murmured into the younger’s hair.

 

Peter remained unconscious, eyes fluttering every so often. It was _unnerving_ to watch him not tossing and turning, lying still on the bed like he was glued.

 

He just hope he would wake up soon, before he gave _his_ old man a stroke.

 

-

 

ronnie @idk

@shuri how’s Peter doing?

 

shuwi @shuri

still unconscious  unfortunately. :( i just hope when he wakes up he texts the group chat “i lived bitch” then i will love him forever.

 

neddie @nedleeds

god he better

 

-

 

buck @buckybarnes

WHAT THE FUCK WHO PLANTED ANTS IN MY ROOM WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

they are ANTS. ur such a baby

 

buck @buckybarnes

ur baby;)

 

spiderMOM @natasha

ew get a room also it was scott

 

scott @scottlang

ok really

 

buck @buckybarnes

get ready to fight bitch

 

scott @scottlang

do u want the ants out

 

buck @buckybarnes

no i’m a stone cold man i’m not scared

 

buck @buckybarnes

actually yes

 

-

 

mj @michelle

in honor of peter since he’s in the hospital, i found this old goldie of when he wrote an article on buzzfeed about wade.

 

mj @michelle

[ ~~buzzfeed~~](https://www.buzzfeed.com/spiderversemovie/which-spider-man-are-you-actually).com

 

(the article)

**HERES TEN REASONS WHY WADE WILSON SUCKS**

by: Peter B. Parker

 

 

  * ****He’s copying my tweets****


  * **NO ONE KNOWS HIM**


  * **HES ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE**


  * **NEVERMIND**


  * **HE SPEAKS TERRIBLE ITALIAN**


  * **HE SUCKS AT COOKING**


  * **HIS ITALIAN ACCENT IS DISGUSTING**


  * **i mean i still love him tho**


  * **HE KNITS LIKE A GRANDMA**


  * **HIS MUSIC TASTE SUCKS**



 

 

neddie @nedleeds

@peterparker saying no one knows him is not a valid reason for him to suck

 

sarah @light

how did this even get approved lmao???

 

buzzfeed @buzzfeedofficial

it’s funny

 

sarah @light

i’m-

 

wade @wadewilson

ok he really exposed me like that?????

 

neddie @nedleeds

haha

 

-

**[DM]**

**_GET WELL PETER!!!_ **

_@betty, @nedleeds, @michelle, @harleykeener, @harryosborn, @wadewilson, @shuri, @cindymoon, @milesmorales_ , _@peterparker_

 

peterparker: i lived bitch

 

shuri: wow u actually followed through

shuri: i’ve missed u

 

nedleeds: PETER HEY MAN

 

michelle: hey bitch glad u lived

 

harleykeener: PETER PETER PETER

 

peterparker: hello

 

wadewilson: hey budddyyyy

 

peterparker: friendzoned :(

 

michelle: you guys are literally dating-

 

peterparker: I SAID

peterparker: friendzoned

 

shuri: what r u doing

 

peterparker: ok so i woke up right

 

shuri: yes

 

peterparker: and tony stared at me for like five mins and i just got on my phone

peterparker: i went through ur recent tweets

 

nedleeds: sounds boring

 

peterparker: U SOUND BORING BITCH

 

nedleeds: ok pal

 

peterparker: i’m not allowed to be on my phone anymore :(

peterparker: i have to eat

 

michelle: see u loser

 

-

 

mac n tony @tonystark

who ever said chef boyardee ravioli is good has never actually been an italian

 

pete @peterparker

it is good!!!

 

mackenzie @urmom

UR BACK WEVE MISSED U

 

pete @peterparker

<3

 

mac n tony @tonystark

listen here lil shit, i’m gonna make you homemade ravioli and YOUR GONNA LIKE IT

 

pete @peterparker

i’m scared why is this so threatening

 

mac n tony @tonystark

good. be scared wimp.

 

pete @peterparker

ok :(

 

ronnie @idk

@tonystark is he not...italian??

 

mac n tony @tonystark

oh he is

 

mac n tony @tonystark

he just gets his white side from his dad

 

pete @peterparker

i’m getting roasted this isn’t fair

 

neddie @nedleeds

it’s ok shbbbb hahaha

 

pete @peterparker

was that even english

 

neddie @nedleeds

yeah butch

 

neddie @nedleeds

bitch

 

-

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

@peterparker u continue to amaze me by ur stupidity

 

pete @peterparker

SHUT UP DONT SAY ANYTHING

 

shuwi @shuri

what-

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

sorry pete

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

i went to visit him in the medbay and he was on like a bunch of morphine and he asked me what water tasted like

 

neddie @nedleeds

ok but genuine question

 

neddie @nedleeds

what does water taste l i k e

 

pete @peterparker

RIGHT

 

wade @wadewilson

parker is more woke on drugs then us sober

 

mac n tony @tonystark

don’t say drugs it makes him sound bad

 

mj @michelle

tony stop being a father for once and answer the question

 

mj @michelle

what does water taste like

 

mac n tony @tonystark

i’m-

 

mac n tony @tonystark

YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY GENIUSES

 

mac n tony @tonystark

holy shit i don’t know

 

pete @peterparker

mid-life crisis?

 

mac n tony @tonystark

blocked

 

-

 

btgf @unexcused

✧･ﾟstory time✧･ﾟ, not that anyone cares about my story but it’s about @spidey

 

btgf @unexcused

my lil brother recently had brain surgery to remove a tumor (he’s fine), and when he woke up spiderman was visiting the hospital and saying hi to little kids

 

btgf @unexcused

i was also super excited cause spiderman lowkey hot

 

stgf @excused

amelia, hes highkey hot don’t play

 

btgf @unexcused

ANYWAYS he came to our room right??? and my lil bro was like bouncing in his bed it was so cute, he gave spiderman the biggest HUG and they talked for a while

 

btgf @unexcused

but then my lil bro just burst out crying for no reason and spiderman went ‘what’s wrong bud??’ turns out my brother was upset about the large scar on his head and sobbed about how he looked ugly

 

btgf @unexcused

i tried to soothe him but he wouldn’t listen to me and kept crying. spiderman took off part of his mask just so you could see his ears but not his whole face

 

btgf @unexcused

he had a pretty gnarly scar behind his left ear, it was pretty deep too. it ran all all the way to the top of his neck.

 

btgf @unexcused

my brother stared at it for like five minutes because his HERO spiderman also had scars. and spiderman said ‘superhero’s have scars too’ and my lil brother was so HAPPY

 

btgf @unexcused

he drew himself as a superhero and started making my family call him lightning bolt.

 

btgf @unexcused

all i’m saying is whoever is anti-spiderman can suck my dick cause he’s secretly the sweetest person on the planet

 

mia @cluckcoo

WHY ARE THERE TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE

 

sophia @mothman

i’m crying that’s so cute sksksksks

 

btgf @unexcused

also spider-man’s jawline is fucking popping lmao

 

stgf @excused

damn

 

-

 

spidercan @spidey

ok i know u guys will miss my name on twitter but it’s time to say good fucking bye

 

dp @deadpool

good fucking bye

 

tin can @spidey

i am now a iron man fan account and you guys will refer to me as such

 

mac n tony @tonystark

fine-

 

irondad @tonystark

you are my spiderson, son

 

tin can @spidey

IM CRYING I LOVE U

 

irondad @tonystark

mhm

 

irondad @tonystark

i love u too

 

-

 

baba @gaga

tony and spiderman r so cute

 

pete @peterparker

:(

 

baba @gaga

AND peter

 

irondad @tonystark

are you jealousssss

 

pete @peterparker

shut up tony

 

irondad @tonystark

i still love u

 

-

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u guys enjoyed can u guys tell i really really love irondad and spiderson? also i felt bad leaving a link that lead to no where so go take that buzzfeed quiz and tell me who u got, i got peter parker !!!! i fucking love peter b parker he is my hobo bb and always will be


	5. money problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony and peter have a heart to heart

pete @peterparker

tony came to me at three am in the morning because he needed an answer to one of the formulas he was working on

 

sophia @sophiasss

well did u answer it?

 

pete @peterparker

well duh

 

pete @peterparker

he interrupted my beauty sleep :(

 

irondad @tonystark

YOU WERE ALREADY UP

 

rhodes @jamesrupert

what the heck were you guys both doing up 

 

irondad @tonystark

ok i’ll explain but don’t interrupt 

 

rhodes @jamesrupert 

i don’t interrupt 

 

pete @peterparker

jokes on you, you already did

 

shuwi @shuri

whoa peter used proper grammar and punctuation for once

 

pete @peterparker

i hate you

 

pete @peterparker

and i’m doing this to impress rhodey

 

rhodes @jamesrupert

i love u pete

 

irondad @tonystark

OK SHUT UP

 

irondad @tonystark

i was up cause i wanted to be up B)

 

pete @peterparker

we had to shut up for t h a t?

 

irondad @tonystark 

ok rude

 

-

 

leggo @eggobitch 

wait deadpool and spiderman are together???

 

ronnie @idk

sierra do u live under a fucking rock holy heck

 

tin can @spidey

the fact that you used fucking and heck in one sentence is extremely powerful 

 

leggo @eggobitch

1.ronnie ur rude 2.hi spiderman 

 

tin can @spidey 

hello sierra

 

leggo @eggobitch

hiiii

 

-

 

conspiracy theory @theoristsunite

you know what i noticed 

 

autumn @fax

what also henry it is 4 am

 

conspiracy theory @theoritstsunite

spiderman is never with starks kids and HE IS ONE OF STARKS KIDS

 

autumn @fax

holy shit what the fuck 

 

conspiracy theory @theoristsunite 

it could be one of the kids who always hang out together

 

irondad @tonystark

hello

 

irondad @tonystark

it’s called a secret identity for a reason don’t discuss it in public kids

 

autumn @fax

yes sir

 

-

 

**[messages]**

 

irondad: remember how i told you, you could IF YOU WANTED TO come out and say ur identity u could but only if u were 20 

 

spiderson: uh yeah and i declined 

 

irondad: people are kindve speculating on twitter 

 

spiderson: it’s best not to reply only if they r close, ur more powerful anyways

 

irondad: ok love you 

 

spiderson: love you 2

 

-

 

spidermom @natasha

peter i love ur aunt so much

 

pete @peterparker

since when do u guys talk 

 

spidermom @natasha 

since we were ur only moms 

 

pepper @pepperpotts 

um excuse me

 

spidermom @natasha

and pepper 

 

spidermom @natasha 

ANYWAYS she gave me a video of a dance recital when u were 4

 

pete @peterparker

snitch wtf

 

shuwi @shuri

MOM I WANNA SEE

 

harley @harleykeener

ME TOO ME TOO

 

spidermom @natasha 

_ (peter’sdancerecital.mov)  _

enjoy

 

irondad @tonystark

why did she show you that but not me :(

 

pete @peterparker

ok well thanks for posting that natasha 

 

shuwi @shuri 

awwww u were so cuteeeeeeee

 

harley @harleykeener

yeah what happened

 

pete @peterparker

fuck off harley 

 

neddie @nedleeds

if u squint u can see me on the far right 

 

mj @michelle

holy shit u guys were friends forever huh

 

pete @peterparker

I DIDNT EVEN WANT TO BE IN THAT STUPID DANCE

 

neddie @nedleeds

i know you said girls had cooties

 

wade @wadewilson 

wow peter u were gay from the start 

 

neddie @nedleeds

SKSKSKSKSK

 

-

 

emerson @deadgayson

i just saw deadpool falling off a building?????? and spiderman catching him??? i’m still shocked-

 

dp @deadpool

i may have or may have not fell 

 

tin can @spidey

he tripped and fell, my heart didn’t beat after i caught him for like five minutes 

 

dp @deadpool

awww u know i can’t die right

 

tin can @spidey

IT STILL SCARED ME

 

-

 

buck @buckybarnes

why the heck is spiderman so reckless when he’s fighting??? i’m-

 

spidermom @natasha 

he’s young 

 

buck @buckybarnes 

DIDNT YOU TRAIN HIM

 

spidermom @natasha 

only a bit 

 

irondad @tonystark

what did he do now??

 

buck @buckybarnes

i was with steve 

 

tin can @spidey

smooch smooch xoxo mwah kissy

 

buck @buckybarnes

ok shut up

 

buck @buckybarnes

and there were these guys robbing this gas station and spiderman just comes swooping in and it takes him awhile but he knocks them all out but his fighting style is just so sloppy

 

tin can @spidey

ok ur really roasting my fighting techniques ur like 100

 

buck @buckybarnes

i’m sensitive about that

 

spidermom @nastasha 

it’s not that bad 

 

dp @deadpool 

it’s pretty bad

 

tin can @spidey 

u literally used guns?????? what technique is that 

 

tin can @spidey 

easy mode????

 

irondad @tonystark 

damn 

 

-

 

pete @peterparker

my heart will never be that same 

 

neddie @nedleeds

are u ok buddy

 

wade @wadewilson

I ATE ONE SLICE

 

pete @peterparker

i bought that for ME and ME only, u greedy motherfucker

 

wade @wadewilson

if ur gonna kill me do it while i’m sitting

 

pete @peterparker

i don’t see any fear on ur face so i’m not as proud 

 

pete @peterparker

throw up the slice

 

wade @wadewilson 

what peter what

 

shuwi @shuri

wtf

 

pete @peterparker

i’ll uh re eat it?

 

wade @wadewilson

???are you asking that to yourself ??

 

wade @wadewilson

also we can do something else to get the taste of pizza ;))))

 

pete @peterparker

no i’m still mad at you

 

wade @wadewilson 

peter that pizza cost five dollars and it’s not even good 

 

pete @peterparker

1.how fucking dare you 2.THEN WHY DID YOU EAT IT 

 

wade @wadewilson 

ok u know what it was kinda good 

 

pete @peterparker

i’m ending it all today 

 

neddie @nedleeds

over pizza? 

 

pete @peterparker

NEDDDD YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

 

neddie @nedleeds

ok ok 

 

neddie @nedleeds

whew

 

neddie @nedleeds

nooooo don’t kill yourself :(

 

pete @peterparker

fine 

 

mj @michelle

i’m genuinely confused

 

-

 

sammie @samwilson _.(i don’t know if i used him in this fic but if i changed his name oops) _

spiderman just saved my life

 

tin can @spidey 

we’re u that homeless man that needed help reaching his cart?

 

sammie @samwilson

fuck u

 

irondad @tonystark

he got u good wilson 

 

wade @wadewilson 

it’s so weird we have the same last name

 

sammie @samwilson 

i am the superior wilson

 

pete @peterparker 

disagree but ok 

 

buck @buckybarnes

^

 

sammie @samwilson

ANYWAYS

 

sammie @samwilson 

i literally was a hostage in a bank robbery 

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

wow what a loser

 

sammie @samwilson 

ok i’m getting to the good part so shut up

 

sammie @samwilson 

he took a bullet for me

 

tin can @spidey 

NO SAM NO THEY DONT KnOw

 

irondad @tonystark

YOU GOT FUCKING SHOT

 

irondad @tonystark

OH MY GOD 

 

sammie @samwilson

i’m gonna go

 

buck @buckybarnes

please don’t tell me you took the bullet out yourself 

 

tin can @spidey 

u want me to lie?

 

buck @buckybarnes

oh my god

 

dr banner @brucebanner

is it infected

 

tin can @spidey 

uh no i’ve done this before 

 

dp @deadpool 

WHATTWH

 

irondad @tonystark

i am relieved but also very very mad 

 

spiderMOM @natasha

ok ur going to give us heart attacks before we even turn old

 

tin can @spidey 

tony is already old

 

irondad @tonystark

try again

 

tin can @spidey 

sorry 

 

tin can @spidey

i love you?

 

irondad @tonystark 

come to the tower, i’ll check it over and then you’ll really be sorry

 

shuwi @shuri 

haha ur in trouble

 

-

 

**[DMS]**

_ conspiracy theorists _

@idk @worldwideweb @toffyay @plantbitchtm @babeuwu

 

@idk: GUYD

@idk: GUYS

@idk: OH MY GOD ANSWER

 

@babeuwu: YES YES RONNIE YES

 

@idk: ok caroline thank god ur here, so you know how spiderman got shot and tony and the others were freaking out???

 

@babeuwu: YEA

 

@idk: tony told him to come to the tower right????

 

@plantbitchtm: YESYESHES

 

@idk: i was walking past the tower and the doors were open and i peaked in and peter parker was fucking in there

@idk: ok first i freaked then i was like wtf??? cause he had bandages on his right shoulder 

@idk: maybe he got shot?

 

@toffyay: HOLY SHIT RONNIE HOLY SHIT

 

@worldwideweb: OH MY GOD IS HE SPIDERMAN-

 

@idk: guys if he’s spiderman then wade is deadpool holy shit-

 

@babeuwu: OMG 

 

-

 

neddie @nedleeds 

dude??? @peterparker

 

pete @peterparker

say anything and i kill u

 

neddie @nedleeds

i’ll take that chance 

 

pete @peterparker

NO NO NO NED PLS I LOVE YOU DONT DO THIS

 

neddie @nedleeds

@tonystark tony tony tony 

 

irondad @tonystark 

yes, ned

 

ronnie @idk 

how can one sound exasperated over twitter?

 

irondad @tonystark

i’ve reached that point 

 

neddie @nedleeds

peter go ahead tell him yourself 

 

pete @peterparker

about mit…

 

irondad @tonystark 

yes ???

 

neddie @nedleeds

he got accepted they basically begged him to go

 

irondad @tonystark

what that’s great !!!!!! 

 

neddie @nedleeds

but him and may can’t afford the last two years

 

neddie @nedleeds

but he still got an academic scholarship for the first two

 

irondad @tonystark 

how much is it cause i am a billionaire pete

 

pete @peterparker

uh like 80,000???

 

irondad @tonystark

i can pay that!!

 

irondad @tonystark

why didn’t you ask

 

pete @peterparker

i didn’t want to burden u

 

irondad @tonystark

peter

 

pete @peterparker

yes

 

irondad @tonystark 

you will never ever burden me. understand?

 

pete @peterparker

yeah

 

irondad @tonystark

good

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> irondad warms my heart i love   
> leave ur thoughts


	6. morgan is introduced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some new characters r introduced ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone else do that thing with their fav fic where they constantly check it out, like to see if it’s updated. that’s apart of my schedule :(

spiderMOM @natasha

_ (video consists of five-year-old Peter giggling as he dances with [uncle] Ben, his tiny shoes on Ben’s big ones as they ‘waltz’. They dance to That’s amore by Dean Martin and May laughs behind the camera)  _

another one for you guys 

 

caroline @babeuwu

why am i crying right now this is so cute

 

ronnie @idk

i know tears are streaming down my face 

 

pete @peterparker

same wow

 

neddie @nedleeds

^ r u ok

 

pete @peterparker

yes, very very very very good

 

spiderMOM @natasha

I HAVE MORE

 

irondad @tonystark

my heart can’t take it nat please

 

pete @peterparker

are u crying?

 

irondad @tonystark

no

 

pete @peterparker

pretty sure you are 

 

-

 

flash @flashthompson

heard you got into mit @peterparker

 

pete @peterparker 

yeah and?

 

flash @flashthompson

yeah and your parents probably paid for you to get in 

 

pete @peterparker

my parents are dead asshole 

 

pete @peterparker

and maybe if you could read you’d know that I got a scholarship first 

 

serena @bleachme

damn go off pete

 

ronnie @idk

his parents are dead ????

 

-

 

buzzfeed @buzzfeed

_ (video: Tony Stark’s genius kids read thirst tweets) _

link: youtube/starkskids/.com

 

caroline @babeuwu

i’ve been waiting for this video, for a long long time

 

sam ;) @imgay4avengers

WADE MAKING PETER LAUGH IS EVERYTHING

 

let go @beautyispain

^^^^^^!!!!!!!

 

windy bitch™ @motherofsevencats

harley: ‘damn harley is so fine, as they say i’m a white mans whore’ -literally wheezes-

ned: ok this is the time i’m actually glad to be a minority 

 

trophy wife @fiftiesgal

SHURI, MICHELLE, & RIRI WERE SMTHN ELSE LET ME TELL YOU

 

ronnie @idk 

^ lmao they were so sassy replying to the tweets

 

ronnie @idk

michelle: ‘give me a taste of the chocolate @michelle’

shuri: how do u delete someone else’s tweet?

riri: this tweet will just be floating out there forever i guess 

shuri: damn 

 

cheeto @foodfloofmoon

i love how they put the two people ACTUALLY dating to see their reaction 

 

windy bitch™ @mother of seven cats 

peter: ‘peter parker radiates strong bottom energy’

wade: i mean-

peter: -literally hits him to get him to shut up-

 

cheeto @foodfloofmoon

^ DUDE I BET HE WAS GONNA SAY ‘ I MEAN THEY AINT WRONG’

 

coke is a joke @dontdodrugs

the amount of tweets about saying they were a ‘white mans whore’ after saying hOT THE WHITE BOYS ARE WAS SO FUNNY DJDJS

 

harley @harleykeener

the white boys™ 

 

pete @peterparker

i feel like that shouldn’t be trademarked- 

 

wade @wadewilson 

THE WHITE BOYS™ 

 

-

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

summers here, toes out ;)

 

pete @peterparker

LMAO WHAT

 

mac n tony @tonystark

wtf steve 

 

buck @buckybarnes

alternative title: summers here, tits out ;)

 

sammie @samwilson

i liked steve’s better

 

buck @buckybarnes

ok foot fetished bitch 

 

pete @peterparker

^

 

sammie @samwilson 

wow i’m- how did you know?

 

-

 

irondad @tonystark

peter just sent me this video with my daughter and i’m crying it’s so cute

_ (morgan and peter.mov) _

_ audio transcript  _

_ peter: hey tony you wanted me to check in _

_ morgan:  _ _ squeals  _ _ i got your nose!  _ _  grabs peter’s nose  _

_ peter: sorry check ups canceled i have to work on this issue  _

_ morgan:  _ _  giggles  _

 

spiderMOM @natasha

how did u know i was a fan of this stuff wow

 

neddie @nedleeds

this is so adorable!!!!!!!

 

buck @buckybarnes

since when does peter talk exactly like u tony wtf

 

dr banner @brucebanner

since pete became his son obviously 

 

-

 

matt @mattmurdock

everyone’s like oh wade and peter this ‘i shipped them from the start’  IVE BEEN TRYING TO GET THEM TOGETHER FROM THE START

 

wade @wadewilson

u are still mad abt this?

 

pete @peterparker

we mentioned it like once 

 

matt @mattmurdock 

i made a twitter specifically for this issue 

 

pete @peterparker

_ once _

 

-

 

jack (son) @checkeredwhore

ok who is matt and 2, why do i already love him 

 

wade @wadewilson 

he is our friend 

 

wade @wadewilson

WAIT OH MY GOD

 

matt @mattmurdock 

what

 

wade @wadewilson 

how do u type 

 

matt @mattmurdock

speaker dumbass

 

pete @peterparker

the fact that i’m imagining him saying dumbass into the mic just to insult wade makes it 100% more funny

 

matt @mattmurdock

this is why you’re my favorite peter

 

pete @peterparker

I TOLD YOU WADE

 

-

 

cha chang @surgarmommy

dude, team red is so underrated, and frankly way better than the avengers oops

 

horny on main @insidejoke

disagree 

 

cha chang @surgarmommy 

ok opinions r valid, but do the avengers look hot in their ‘tight’ ass suits?

 

hornyonmain @insidejoke

hm u right 

 

crunch @surgay

uh @steverogers

 

hornyonmain @insidejoke

holy s h i t

 

cha chang @surgarmommy

hm u right

 

cha chang @surgarmommy

still like red team better 

 

dd @daredevil 

thank you, wow today I beat the avengers at hand to hand twitter combat.

 

dp @deadpool

the d squad™ 

 

tin can @spidey 

ok bitch i know ur mad just cause i have ties with the avengers and you don’t >:(

 

dp @deadpool 

yeah i’m kinda jealous 

 

dd @daredevil 

blind bitch™ 

 

blind bitch @daredevil 

name 

 

tin can @spidey 

ok r u ok

 

tin can @spidey 

and dp change ur name it’s boring 

 

dp @deadpool

hm dirty pan

 

dp @deadpool

CAUSE IM PAN GET IT SPIDEY

 

tin can @spidey

yes yes yes 

 

dirty pan ;) @deadpool

better?

 

tin can @spidey 

much 

 

-

 

harley @harleykeener

ok can paparazzi fuck off pls

 

spiderMOM @natasha

what happened

 

harley @harleykeener

me n peter n ned were eating and i put fries up my nose and they took pictures

 

neddie @nedleeds

peter laughed at that for like five minutes i stg he’s like six

 

irondad @tonystark

peter ur 18 and u found that funny?

 

irondad @tonystark

i raised you better than this

 

pete @peterparker

u didn’t raise me at all

 

irondad @tonystark 

fair   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, in infinity war (if ur confused) tony says he had a dream abt having a kid and they named it morgan so here’s ‘morgan stark’, his daughter. she’s like 3 in this fic and doesn’t know spider-man’s identity


	7. matt and peters brotherly love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE END OF MY NOTES ITS VV IMPORTANT

tin can @spidey

i hve ann smll iusue

 

blind bitch @daredevil 

can someone translate

 

egghead @scramble

‘i have a small issue’

 

tin can @spidey

matsn i ove yui!!!!!$.!.!!

 

egghead @scramble 

‘(i have no idea) i love you!’

 

blind bitch @daredevil 

i love you too, bud. are you okay?

 

tin can @spidey

heas hurts cncussion 

 

egghead @scramble 

‘head hurts, concussion.’

 

ronnie @idk

UH

 

blind bitch @daredevil

why does this always happen to him?

 

blind bitch @daredevil

oh lord, okay text me where you are. 

 

egghead @scramble 

dd has the vocab of a 72 year old.

 

-

 

streetlights @imwatchingu

me, banging two pots together: MATT AND PETER HAVE A CUTE BROTHERLY BOND AND IM HERE FOR IT

 

mer @ironmanstan

this is kind of threatening 

 

streetlights @imwatchingu

it’s supposed to be 

 

riri @ririupyourass

@peterparker @mattmurdock

 

pete @peterparker

riri ur fucking name

 

riri @ririupyourass

you love it 

 

pete @peterparker

that sounded suggestive and i hate it

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

LMAO

 

pete @peterparker

morales you literally add nothing to this conversation 

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

damn i was just trying to hype you up

 

matt @mattmurdock 

he’s grumpy.

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

isn’t he always 

 

-

 

**[DMS]**

spideypool

(@wadewilson, @peterparker)

@wadewilson: where did u put my favorite sweatshirt 

 

@peterparker: uh

 

@wadewilson: you took it didn’t you

 

@peterparker: yes…

 

@wadewilson: sigh   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey babes <3 i really wanna make an avengers gc fic but when they’re in college but i’m afraid it will flop. tell me what u think in the comments pls and thanks <3


	8. yikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter admits something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sowry it’s short

shuwi @shuri

PETERS ACCENT IM LIVING

 

stephanie @bussie

don’t u have an accent

 

shuwi @shuri 

well yes, but in wakanda accents like peters aren’t even present 

 

irondad @tonystark

‘caw-fee’

 

pete @peterparker 

ONE TIME

 

shuwi @shuri

see the way u guys talk in queen is so funny 

 

shuwi @shuri 

the way u say ur w’s in words like borrow or sorry 

 

chip @chiponmyshoulder

ok don’t judge us :(

 

pete @peterparker

new york is the united states alleyway 

 

wade @wadewilson 

good thing i was born in canada 

 

pete @peterparker

sorry 

 

pete @peterparker

sorry

 

pete @peterparker

sorry

 

wade @wadewilson

OK SHUT UP

 

wade @wadewilson 

new york scares me

 

irondad @tonystark 

if ur not from ny we  _ know _

 

pete @peterparker

_ we know  _

 

-

 

**[DMS]**

@wadewilson: come over 

@peterparker: ok but i have to come over @ like 11

@wadewilson: y

@peterparker: i’m babysitting morgan 

@wadewilson: yikes have fun 

 

-

 

pete @peterparker

asking for a friend

 

neddie @nedleeds

ur asking for wade aren’t u

 

pete @peterparker

yes :(

 

pete @peterparker

he keeps trying to figure out who my first boyfriend is

 

pete @peterparker

DONT TELL HIM

 

harry @harryosborn

ok i won’t 

 

neddie @nedleeds

LMAO

 

ronnie @idk

i don’t get why ned laughed

 

neddie @nedleeds

put it together ronnie

 

ronnie @idk

OH HE WAS 

 

ronnie @idk

OH 

 

wade @wadewilson

WHO WHO

 

wade @wadewilson

_ oh my god _

 

wade @wadewilson 

OSBORN??! 

 

rein @wetblanket

oh no 

 

harry @harryosborn

hello

 

wade @wadewilson 

why does tony act like he hates me when YOU DATED AN OSBORN

 

pete @peterparker

HES NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW

 

irondad @tonystark

i’ve never been more disappointed in anyone this much 

 

pete @peterparker

you are literally so dramatic 

 

irondad @tonystark

YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHEN

 

pete @peterparker

it was before i came out to u

 

pete @peterparker

or anyone 

 

harry @harryosborn

it was a summer fling thing 

 

pete @peterparker

yeah

 

irondad @tonystark

disappointed :(

-

 

spiderMOM @natasha

bust down thotiana 

 

buck @buckybarnes

why

 

shuwi @shuri

who-

 

pete @peterparker 

i wanna see u bust down 

 

tin can @spidey 

pick it up 

 

wade @wadewilson 

now break that shit down

 

dp @deadpool 

speed it up 

 

spiderMOM @nastasha

now slow that shit down

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

no more please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i made the groupchat fic and do u guys wanna see more spideypool? if so whump or fluff?


	9. y’all never got frozen for 70 years and it shows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey babes, we hit 50 comments! party time!!!! also thanks sm for ur ever loving support y’all make me smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this a goofy chapter :)

__buck @buckybarnes

i just watched peter parker inhale a [romona](https://goo.gl/images/uV4tXH) burrito covered by cup of noodles 

 

shuwi @shuri

it’s finals season 

 

buck @buckybarnes

i’m actually??? so scared??? 

 

buck @buckybarnes

does he always look this intense when he’s studying 

 

wade @wadewilson

yeah once when we were studying together peter was so stressed he snapped my lead pencil in half 

 

irondad @tonystark 

why does it matter

 

irondad @tonystark

he aces it every time anyways 

 

dr banner @brucebanner

that used to be me 

 

dr banner @brucebanner

worst 4 years of my life

 

shuwi @shuri

plus mit finals are hard as shit

 

shuwi @shuri 

but peters got it in the bag 

 

buck @buckybarnes

i used to literally say that in the 40’s shuri pls it’s 2019

 

buck @buckybarnes

i came here to watch a movie with natasha, clint, & steve but now we are all silently watching peter aggressively type 

 

lea @dogshit

is??? his??? mental health ok 

 

ronnie @idk 

yeah in hs when i had finals i cried for three days straight b/c failing is my worst fear :)

 

mj @michelle 

the united states education system is shit

 

neddie @nedleeds

preach 

 

neddie @nedleeds

give us updates bucky 

 

buck @buckybarnes

ok ned right now he is literally just blankly looking at his computer 

 

buck @buckybarnes

ok!!! he’s counting his fingers that’s a good sign right???

 

harley @harleykeener

oh no

 

harley @harleykeener

he’s resorted to finger counting 

 

shuwi @shuri 

the end is near

-

 

neddie @nedleeds

me, trying to relieve pete over the phone that he will do good on his final: you know you have a higher iq than einstein??? 

peter: did einstein do finals in college 

me: well no he dropped out of school 

peter: then why does it matter ned

peter:  _ why _

me, panicking: ok bye bud

 

mj @michelle 

jesus that bad 

 

irondad @tonystark 

he was silent on the phone call with me for three hours 

 

-

 

pete @peterparker

i got the results 

 

lea @dogshit

pls announce for everyone to hear

 

pete @peterparker

5

 

coke n crack @theshit

BITCHCWHAT

 

irondad @tonystark

we should celebrate!!!!

 

pete @peterparker

i’ll just pass out and then we can thanks

-

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

y’all never got frozen for 70 years and it shows

 

buck @buckybarnes

yeah tf guys get on it

 

irondad @tonystark

y’all never got an arc reactor and it shows 

 

shuwi @shuri 

the evolution is happening 

 

dp @deadpool

y’all never been immortal and it shows

 

shuwi @shuri

y’all never built a black panther suit and it shows

 

spiderMOM @natasha

y’all never been undercover and it shows

 

tin can @spidey

y’all never got bitten by a radioactive spider and it shows 

 

ronnie @idk 

i love this 

 

leah @stars

it’s the final countdown 

 

pete @peterparker

do do do du dodudodudo duduudud

 

pete @peterparker

it’s the final countdown 

 

shuwi @shuri 

hey pete do u have one

 

pete @peterparker

y’all never had ur parents killed at 5 and it shows

 

irondad @tonystark

OK LADIES AND GENTS WE R DONE HERE

 

shuwi @shuri

LMAOOO

 

neddie @nedleeds

oh he went dark DARK

 

mj @michelle 

i love his orphan jokes

-

 

tin can @spidey 

i’d say i’m 5% human

 

blind bitch @daredevil 

why 

 

tin can @spidey 

i fell asleep on the ceiling and didn’t know until i woke up 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanna complain to me about this story? cool here’s my TUMBLR @iloveyoupeterparker guys please i only have nine followers and IT SHOWS


	10. all abt spiderman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow look at me posting chapters fast :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so i turned on anon asks on tumblr for that one person who asked :) and i gained three more!!!!! thanks i love you guys

wade @wadewilson

i love peter parker so fucking much thank you !

 

69 @weed

a relationship i stan!

 

mj @michelle

what did pete do to warrant this tweet

 

neddie @nedleeds

he shoved 14 marshmallows in his mouth

 

matt @mattmurdock

ah yes, two dumbasses in love 

 

pete @peterparker

ur the dumbass 

 

matt @mattmurdock 

_ ur the dumbass  _

 

matt @mattmurdock 

at least i can spell

 

pete @peterparker 

at least i can see

 

shuwi @shuri 

LMAOOO PETER NO

 

matt @mattmurdock 

wow, disrespected by a 13 year old

 

pete @peterparker

IM 18 

 

matt @mattmurdock

hello 911, yes this teenager right here

-

 

tin can @spidey

man i love yogurt so much 

 

irondad @tonystark

hello and welcome to, why is spiderman doped up on pain meds?

 

-

 

brown eyes @eyeuey

spiderman is so badass 

 

brown eyes @eyeuey

i watched him take down six guys on his own in the span of three minutes 

 

dirty pan @deadpool

once when us n daredevil were teaming up he got annoyed and grabbed the gun from my belt just to shoot a criminal in the knee 

 

ronnie @idk

HE LITERALLY IS SO FAST HOW

 

tin can @spidey 

i heard my name hehe

 

ronnie @idk

#askspidey

 

togo @togglemebb

#askspidey 

 

side @sidesideside

how do u catch things before like u can see them

 

tin can @spidey

it’s like a sixth sense i just like feel it

 

uh @iranoutofnames

have u ever smoked weed

 

tin can @spidey

uhgghhhhhhg

 

irondad @tonystark

YES have you son 

 

tin can @spidey

you can’t get mad

 

irondad @tonystark

ok

 

tin can @spidey

i have BUT it doesn’t do anything 

 

irondad @tonystark

WHAT

 

irondad @tonystark

grounded for a hundred years 

 

-

 

MIT @massachusettsinstituteoftechnogy

@peterparker, as much as we love your student presence, and your grades show that, we advise you to stop bringing students from outside of our school.

 

shuwi @shuri 

LMAOOOO PETER

 

pete @peterparker

called out by the whole college :(

 

MIT @massachusettsinstituteoftechnogy

it is 3:45 a.m.

 

pete @peterparker

,,,,,,yes

 

MIT @massachusettsinstituteoftechnogy

@tonystark

 

irondad @tonystark

hello MIT, :) 

 

neddie @nedleeds

literally what is happening

 

MIT @massachusettsinstituteoftechnogy

Ah, Tony Stark one of our favorite students.

 

mj @michelle

what the hell!????

 

pete @peterparker

this seems like a fever dream

 

irondad @tonystark

it is kid 

 

-

 

SPIDERMAN @spideyfan

me, crying over the phone at 3 am: i just love team red so much

 

dr @doctor

i was there on the phone, she did sob

 

the @was 

GUYS GO TO THE CONSPIRACY GC

-

**[DMS]**

_ Conspiracy bitches _

@spideyfan: OK so i was looking at pics of spider-man’s legs 

@was: i-

@spideyfan: and remember that girl who said she had a encounter with spidey at the children’s hospital 

@spidey: she described a scar behind his ear, and i looked at press photos and PETER FUCKING PARKER HAS THAT SCAR

@idk: holy shit-

@was: there’s no way they r the same person

@kat: oh my god

-

 

kitty @kat

peter parker is spider-man confirmed

_ content banned _

 

-

**[DMS]**

@tonystark: were you that girl, who posted “peter parker is spiderman confirmed”

@kat: uh yeah?!?

@tonystark: ok listen kid, there are people out there. people who need to know spider-man’s real identity and we can’t have these kind of posts. his life will be in serious danger. tell me, promise me. you won’t ever post a tweet like that ever again? 

@kat: oh my god sir, i’m so sorry 

@kat: i promise, i’ll tell my friends too.

@tonystark: okay, i made sure no one else saw that post. never discuss this issue in public eye.

@tonystark: it’s too risky 

-

**[DMS]**

_ conspiracy bitches _

@kat:  _ [screenshot.jpg] _

@idk: oh my god 

@spideyfan: so we were right???

@kat: yeah but now we have 2 be super careful 

@was: ALSO on a less serious note, tony stark acts like his fucking DAD

@kat: going through old tweets make this so much funnier 

-

 

buck @buckybarnes

ok but on a light note is there anything peter parker can’t do?????

 

buck @buckybarnes

he can do ballet?????????

 

neddie @nedleeds

he took a class from 5-13 but he stopped :(

 

pete @peterparker

:/ it got boring

 

buck @buckybarnes

natasha took ballet too

 

spiderMOM @natasha

THAT WAS MY SECRET 

 

mj @michelle 

oh shit  _ [[peterballet](https://youtu.be/WmU7X_89mEU).mov] _

 

neddie @nedleeds

HOLY SHIT 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker


	11. peter parker and miles morales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i spoil y’all

$ @moneyhoney

the thing abt spidey is like u can ask him to walk u home cause u don’t feel safe and he’ll be like “sure no sweat” he’s that chill

 

grass @weed

fun fact: i once asked him to walk me home in a really unsafe neighborhood and on the way there we talked about chemistry 

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder

which one

 

grass @weed

WHAT THE FICK ARE YOU REAL

 

ronnie @idk 

wtf who’s this 

 

grass @week

you know on the news how there was a new spiderman with a black suit, yeah so this might be him 

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder

it is hi 

 

tin can @spidey

wtf u already made a twitter

 

tin can @spidey

i specifically told you NOT to

 

irondad @tonystark

sounds familiar 

 

tin can @spidey 

s h u t

 

grass @weed

omg 2 mentors conversing

 

tin can @spidey

aren’t mentors supposed to be like old

 

irondad @tonystark

HEY

 

tin can @spidey 

i mean love you 

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder 

this is weird do i have to say i love you to u

 

tin can @spidey

what? no what

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder 

well u call him ur mentor but-

 

tin can @spidey

no buddy no 

 

irondad @tonystark

hey kid

 

grass @weed

which one

 

irondad @tonystark 

new one

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder

yes sir yes

 

irondad @tonystark

make his life living  _ hell _

 

tin can @spidey

NO DONT 

-

 

pete @peterparker

**pee jokes are valid**

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

you are  _ 18 _

 

pete @peterparker

toddlers opinions don’t matter 

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

i’m fifteen wow

 

pete @peterparker

fifth- _ pee _ n

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

hello 911

 

mj @michelle 

who is older than who lmao

 

pete @peterparker

>:(

-

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder

no one told me carbonation hurt :( now i can’t drink soda

 

tin can @spidey

yeah it hurts like hell

 

irondad @tonystark

WHAT 

 

irondad @tonystark

i took you to mcdonald’s today ??? and got you a coke and you chugged it

 

tin can @spidey 

i didn’t want to hurt your feelings

 

irondad @tonystark

i-

 

tin can @spidey

also i’ve gotten used to pain that was nothing

 

irondad @tonystark 

that doesn’t reassure me 

 

tin can @spidey 

oops

-

 

checkered @sos

we haven’t heard from morgan in a while

 

pete @peterparker

do you want to hear from her?

 

checkered @sos

yes please

 

pete @peterparker

tjdjeisngirudd

 

checkered @sos

*wipes tear* inspiring 

 

pete @peterparker

i helped her with the speechejej

 

pete @peterparker

HELP SHE WONT STOP

-

 

cool @coolcoolcool

sometimes i literally forget peter has a bf

 

wade @wadewilson

yeah i had uh school

 

pete @peterparker

VERY convincing babe

 

cool @coolcoolcool

relationship goalz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come scream at me on tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker we r almost at 20 followers!!!


	12. baby boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wee woo first chapter of february let’s go ladies and gentlemen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my favorite chapter by far

tin can @spidey

being spiderman BUT a rock is up your ass the whole day

 

moth @lamp

op do u take criticism?

 

tin can @spidey 

i see u prefer a stick up your ass, can’t say i respect that 

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder

this is bad media rep

 

tin can @spidey 

who cares about media rep

 

moth @lamp

yeah pussy 

 

tin can @spidey

yeah

 

-

 

making the world’s best videos @cut

new video out today!: Stark’s kids play never have i ever  _ link _

 

riri @ririupmyass

glad i got to sit with my fav brother :)

 

harley @harleykeener

:)

 

riri @ririupmyass

it was peter parker 

 

harley @harleykeener

:(

  
  


lit @theresafire

highlights from cut’s new video 123 go!

 

ronnie @idk

producer: Have any of you ever went behind Tony’s back?

the kids™ : all switch to ‘i have’

*camera panning to Tony Stark, rubbing his forehead tiredly*

 

gen z-er @woo

producer: smoked weed

peter: slowly switches to ‘i have’

riri:  _ proudly  _ flips to ‘i have’

harley: grins and flips to ‘i have’

*Tony gasping dramatically*

Tony: Peter??????

 

ronnie @idk

IM SO EXCITED WIRED SAID THEY MAY RELEASE A TONY AND PETER VIDEO AHHSSH

 

weed @snoop

wired?

 

ronnie @idk

“webs most searched question”

-

 

ronnie @idk

THEY ARE RELEASING THE VIDEO TOMORROW HSHSHSHAHEHA

 

what @the

calm down ronnie 

 

ronnie @idk

NO SHOOT ME

-

 

WIRED @wired

_ Peter Parker and Tony Stark answer web’s most searched question’s  _ link:

 

youtube comments:

 

sophia: 0:45

_ tony: “is tony stark dead” _

_ peter & tony at the same time: only on the inside _

 

sierra: 1:34

_ peter: ‘is peter parker tony stark’s son’ _

_ peter: man i wish _

_ tony: me too honestly  _

 

tom: 2:56

_ tony: “what is a tony stark” _

_ tony: -pulling down his shades- a whole man _

_ peter: i hate you so much _

_ - _

 

ronnie @idk

KSJSJEJE I CANT BREATHE

 

ronnie @idk

the father/son duo™ ARE AT WENDYS AND I AM ROO NENEJ

 

ronnie @idk

they r sitting in the drive thru wow i’m blessed

 

pete @peterparker

i see u aggressively typing r u ok

 

ronnie @idk 

no i’m having a heart attack jesus i love you

 

pete @peterparker

i love you too!!!!

 

ronnie @idk

THEY PAID FOR MY ORDER IM CRYING WOW

 

weed @grass

wholesome 

-

 

spiderMOM @natasha

it’s a start of an era 

 

pete @peterparker

what??? is??? happening???? 

 

spiderMOM @natasha

AN AVENGERS MEETING NEEDS TO BE CALLED

 

spiderMOM @natasha

AND YOURE NOT INVITED PETE

 

pete @peterparker

wow just cause i don’t have “superpowers” wow 

 

spiderMOM @natasha

i don’t have superpowers 

 

pete @peterparker 

more reasons for me to join the avengers!

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

too dangerous sorry buddy 

 

pete @peterparker

kiss my ass steve

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

and he blocked me

 

henry @hen

can he actually fight tho

 

buck @buckybarnes

i mean yeah he’s pretty good 

 

ronnie @idk

#makepeterapartoftheavengers

-

 

irondad @tonystark

i just woke up and the tag #makepeterapartoftheavengers is trending? 

 

pete @peterparker

good morning dad 

 

irondad @tonystark

no what did u do

 

pete @peterparker

nothing :(

 

irondad @tonystark

ur not apart of the avengers by the way

 

pete @peterparker

fine then ur uh not apart of my life

 

pete @peterparker

goodbye 

 

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @tonystark _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @natasha _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @buckybarnes _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @steverogers _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @spidey _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @brucebanner _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @samwilson _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @wanda _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @vision _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @nickfury _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @clintbarton _

_ pete @peterparker unfollowed @tchalla _

 

pete @peterparker

fuck u guys 

 

cawcaw @clintbarton 

what did i do?

 

pete @peterparker

if you’re apart of the avengers i unfollowed you 

 

tin can @spidey

speaking of u know avenger stuff and being a superhero, uh i got idk like stabbed 

 

irondad @tonystark

WHAT

 

tin can @spidey

i mean not bad!!!! just bleeding out on a sidewalk 

 

pete @peterparker

wow loser

 

tin can @spidey

right back at you bitch 

 

irondad @tonystark

care to tell me why karen didn’t alert me?

 

karen @karenai

According to ‘Spider-Man’ he turned off the “Baby Monitor Protocol” and replaced it with the “Helicopter Dad Protocol” in which he turned off all sense of alerts in case he got hurt.

 

irondad @tonystark

.

 

tin can @spidey

haha

 

i’m bleeding out pls tony @spidey

read my name

 

irondad @tonystark

IM ALREADY HERE

 

pete @peterparker

haha

 

irondad @tonystark

for the love of god peter shut up

 

_ pete @peterparker blocked @tonystark _

 

elenor @elenorwrites

aw u made him sad

-

 

pete @peterparker

it’s clear to me that spiderman is tony’s favorite child. 

 

irondad @tonystark 

my favorite child is morgan 

 

tin can @spidey

WHAT

 

pete @peterparker

she can’t even walk wtf dad

 

harley @harleykeener

yeah at least we can hold a spoon right peter

 

pete @peterparker

yeah 

 

riri @ririupmyass

thanks for including me guys

 

pete @peterparker

:/ ‘tHaNks FoR InClUdiNg me GuYs’

 

riri @ririupmyass

i’m coming for u, for that one

 

pete @peterparker

coming up my ass

 

harley @harleykeener

without context that sounds like incest

 

pete @peterparker

we aren’t even blood related

 

harley @harleykeener

wow spoilers

-

 

peter is hot @peterfanbase

ok so um peter are you and wade still a thing ????

 

pete @peterparker

why would we not be a t h i n g

 

peter is hot @peterfanbase

idk u guys never interact on twitter

 

wade @wadewilson

we had a movie night tonite 

 

pete @peterparker 

[screenshot of messages]

_ wade: are u coming over or not  _

_ peter: wait  _

_ peter: u clingy _

_ wade: ok mhm ok _

_ wade: see u at 6 baby boy _

 

crybaby @sadgirl

wade calling peter baby boy is my new aesthetic 

 

crybaby @sadgirl

_ baby boy _

 

pete @peterparker

_ fuck face _

 

wade @wadewilson

why must u ruin everything 

 

pete @peterparker

ok love u 2

 

wade @wadewilson

i still love u

 

crybaby @sadgirl

say it w a d e

 

wade @wadewilson

sigh

 

wade @wadewilson

i still love you  _ baby boy _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker


	13. lil bro :/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg i finally uploaded heheheheh

pete @peterparker

hey u guys remember when it was like a trend for 13 yr old boys to grind against the floor to grind on me on vine 

 

~~~~ronnie @idk

sadly,,,,,,yes

 

avenger assemble my ass @aama

YES my brother did that, vine days are over. THANK GOD

 

pete @peterparker

( _ wadeonvine _ ) [[reference:____](https://youtu.be/4OJwOni4Svc)]

 

eliza @yeshamilton

HOLY FICMING SHIT

 

mj @michelle 

IM SCREAMING HE LOOKS LIKE A CATPILLER DNJDJEJ

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

he’s doing push-ups wrong

 

buck @buckybarned

steve….no

 

wade @wadewilson

I HATE YOU PETER

 

pete @peterparker

@blondeboy05 

 

wade @wadewilson

I WAS 14 UNFAIR

 

pete @peterparker 

FIVE YEARS AGO JSJSHJSJS

 

pete @peterparker

the sad thing is u don’t use ur grind skills anyways 

 

wade @wadewilson

NO

-

 

pete @peterparker

hey uh dad

 

irondad @tonystark

...yes son

 

ronnie @idk

i’m loving this already

 

fairy @lights

me 2

 

pete @peterparker 

promise not to get mad 

 

irondad @tonystark

ok..i promise 

 

pete @peterparker

i’m in the er

 

irondad @tonystark

WHAT

 

irondad @tonystark

STUPIDO [1] PETER PARKER TELL ME YOU TOLD MAY

 

pete @peterparker

no…i was hoping you would pick me up 

 

irondad @tonystark 

ejjejejejej

 

irondad @tonystark

what happened

 

pete @peterparker

...i got stitches

 

irondad @tonystark

but for what peter

 

pete @peterparker

my hand

 

pete @peterparker

i got lightly poked

 

irondad @tonystark

why do i keep you around 

 

harley @harleykeener

cause u love him

 

riri @ririupmyass

cause u love him 

 

i can see the future @vision 

‘Cause you love him.

 

pete @peterparker

him using proper grammar unsettles me

 

i can see the future @vision 

You unsettle me.

 

pete @peterparker

:(

 

magic bitch @wanda

haha

 

pete @peterparker

shut up ur dating a microwave 

 

irondad @tonystark

i’m on my way

-

 

light switch @room

tony calling peter stupido made my day 

 

plant @plant

me too but bilingual parents are the scariest of all

 

plant @plant

gives me ptsd

 

harley @harleykeener

you know what is fucking terrifying

 

light switch @room 

tell us harley 

 

harley @harleykeener

both peter AND tony can speak multiple languages

 

riri @ririupmyass

tony can speak: japanese, italian,  russian, french and a tiny bit of urdu

 

riri @ririupmyass

which is badass

 

pete @peterparker

i’m only gonna say i know italian  and russian 

 

pete @peterparker

cause idk how to write in the rest

 

pete @peterparker

OH and spanish 

 

pete @peterparker

i know swear words

 

irondad @tonystark

_ don’t _

 

pete @peterparker

cazzo [2]

-

 

harley @harleykeener

before i knew peter was dating wade and michelle was lesbian i legit thought they were dating

 

riri @ririupmyass

they aren’t???????

 

shuwi @shuri

i know they act like a married couple it’s so odd

 

neddie @nedleeds

_ peter: haha ned watch me eat this expired avacado  haha _

_ mj, not looking up from her book: put the avacado down peter _

_ peter, lowering it and pouting: fine _

 

pete @peterparker

now i will forever wonder what it would taste like

 

mj @michelle

absolutely disgusting honestly 

 

pete @peterparker

u still love me

 

mj @michelle

sure just a tiny bit

 

neddie @nedleeds

wholesome 

-

 

wade @wadewilson

the weirdest compliment i can give to pete is his teeth are like so beautiful 

 

neddie @nedleeds

lmao wtf r u drunk

 

wade @wadewilson

a lil bit but like tipsy drunk

 

pete @peterparker

don’t you have a 7 am class tmr?????

 

wade @wadewilson

are my eyes deceiving me???? PETER I LOVE YOU wow peter oh my god hey peter

 

pete @peterparker

hi wade

 

wade @wadewilson

hey pete did u know i liked you 

 

pete @peterparker

yes we are dating wade 

 

wade @wadewilson

oh my god

 

ronnie @idk 

wait why is this so cute 

 

pete @peterparker

wade please don’t drink anymore alcohol i don’t want you failing your classes

 

wade @wadewilson

ok anything for you!

 

instant gf @urcrush

wade being head over heels for peter is adorable i love this

-

 

bold @italics

hey @tonystark do u approve wade and peters relationship 

 

pete @peterparker

why must you make me go through this a second time

 

irondad @tonystark 

i mean- 

 

irondad @tonystark

he’s like an adult now so he dates who he wants but i kind’ve just think anyone he’s friends with he’s dating 

 

mj @michelle

for example he thought we were dating for two years

 

neddie @nedleeds

OH YEAH 

 

neddie @nedleeds

the good times

 

irondad @tonystark 

can’t believe i thought you were both straight for  _ two years _

 

rhodes @jamesrhodey

thought you said your “gay-dar” was good

 

irondad @tonystark

IN MY DEFENSE PETER DIDNT EVEN SHOW ANY INTEREST IN BOYS

 

pete @peterparker

i was closeted and scared so 

 

mj @michelle 

omg same .o.

-

 

pete @peterparker

GUYS

 

pete @peterparker

OMG OMG

 

shuwi @shuri

what what what

 

pete @peterparker

my initials are pp 

 

pete @peterparker

PP IM SCREAMING 

 

irondad @tonystark 

jesus go to bed

 

pete @peterparker

no it’s only four am

 

irondad @tonystark 

_ only??? _

 

pete @peterparker

yeah dad kids these days don’t sleep obvi

 

harley @harleykeener

yeah obvi

 

irondad @tonystark

GO TO BED

 

irondad @tonystark 

oh my god

 

irondad @tonystark

are you having a sleepover right now

 

pp @peterparker

yes also harley i changed my name

 

harley @harleykeener

haha pp

 

pp @peterparker

pee-er

 

harley @harleykeener

pee-er

 

riri @ririupmyass

did u guys know peters name in harley’s phone is lil bro 

 

pp @peterparker

i’m literally six months younger than u-

 

harley @harleykeener

still works   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker


	14. what privilege huh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i kinda don’t have a summary but basically tony protects tf out of his son thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was meant to be posted on valentine’s day but i’m lazy

wizard @flannel09

i’m so sick and tired of people treating peter parker like he’s the best thing in the world, he’s a white straight guy who makes mediocre tweets

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

he’s not even straight, before you bash someone get your facts straight

 

mj @michelle 

yeah also what does his sexuality, race and gender have to do with anything 

 

wizard @flannel09

he has privilege obviously, and he takes advantage of it

 

irondad @tonystark

Peter came from a poor family, who had  _ trouble  _ just paying for rent. His parents died when he was  _ six _ and his uncle died when he was fourteen. His aunt is the only family member he has left and guess where he is right now? The fucking hospital because guess what? His aunt is ill, come back to me when you want to talk about privilege. 

 

irondad @tonystark

NOT TO MENTION, the only reason he has this “privilege” you’re speaking of is because he’s a genius kid who deserves all the regonition he gets.

 

mj @michelle 

whew ironman went OFF

 

mj @michelle 

SHE BLOCKED ME

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

omg me 2

 

ronnie @idk

his aunts sick?

 

pp @peterparker

yeah stage 2 cancer 

 

ronnie @idk

awww bb i’m so sorry

 

pp @peterparker

it’s okay ronnie 

 

wade @wadewilson

he has good grammar cause he hasn’t slept in two days

 

mj @michelle 

how does that work lmao

 

wade @wadewilson

how am i. supposed to know 

-

 

fan @imrunningoutoftwitternames

just thought i would share that the avengers made an official tik tok acc and this was their first post 

_ [tiktok@theREALavengers] _

**_video transcript:_ **

_ video opens with the song baby’s on fire by die antwood, there are three avengers present (natasha, scott, and peter [even tho he’s not an avenger] ), scott is holding a post card reading ‘caps side’ and peter is holding a post card reading ‘iron-man’s side’ natasha is on the side of peter before the song pauses and she moves over to scott, there’s a cut scene of tony grooving with his mug as the lyrics start singing ‘shut down mother fucker it’s on’  _

 

mj @michelle

i love steve’s face in horror as the song starts singing shutdown motherfucker 

 

ronnie @idk 

i literally don’t get this tik tok but i love it

 

peter @peterparkour

same

 

pp @peterparker

ok sorry but i literally thought that was me 

 

peter @peterparkour

hahaah

-

 

irondad @tonystark

today at 3:45 am me and pepper had to call peter to hold morgan so she would stop crying about him

 

shuwi @shuri

the cutest big brother uwu

 

pp @peterparker

it was an hour drive uwu

 

mother of two (2) children @pepperpotts

her face is smushed up against his shoulder mothers everywhere please cry with me

 

pp @peterparker

don’t cry with her i just found out i was adopted 

 

irondad @tonystark 

we didn’t???? adopt???? you????

 

mother of two (2) children @pepperpotts

keep telling yourself that honey

 

irondad @tonystark

don’t honey me >:(

-

 

tin can @spidey 

i’m done 

 

ronnie @idk

did dead pool something

 

tin can @spidey 

anti-deadpool account who’s with me

 

bold @italics 

me!!! dp kinda annoying

 

tin can @spidey

I WAS JOKING

 

tin can @spidey

come for him again i dare you 

 

dp @deadpool

calm down babe

 

tin can @spidey

no shut up 

 

bold @italics

yeah

 

tin can @spidey

STOP

 

tin can @spidey

only i can be mean to him and that’s a fact 

-

 

wade @wadewilson

best thing to wake up to is peter passed out and sprawled on the floor

 

wade @wadewilson

update: he woke up and has bed hair 

 

pp @peterparker

i hate u   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all already know my tumblr


	15. legal weed gang gang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven’t posted in forever my bad

i love u peter parker @myloveforuisunconditional 

hey pete can we have a q n a

pp @peterparker

sure! i’m doing like nothing rn so

buck @buckybarnes

you are literally training with us 

pp @peterparker

yeah and natasha keeps beating you, it’s getting repetitive at this point 

nat @natasha

wow 

i love u peter parker @myloveforuisunconditional

ok anyways, first question! have you ever smoked weed?

pp @peterparker

that’s what u wanted to start with?

wade @wadewilson

just say no

irondad @tonystark

is no a lie?

pp @peterparker

no…

pp @peterparker

wait! you already know this answer so ha

irondad @tonystark

oh the never have i ever video

irondad @tonystark

have you only smoked weed once

pp @peterparker

sure dad

irondad @tonystark

well it’s legal for u so i have nothing to say

irondad @tonystark

wait is it

harley @harleykeener

not when he first smoked it

pp @peterparker

go to hell

riri @ririupurass

thanks for including me ONCE AGAIN

pp @peterparker 

ThAnKs FoR iNcLuDinG Me OnCe AgAiN

riri @ririupurass

shut tf up parker

pp @peterparker

ur like barely threatening 

pp @peterparker

shuri is more threatening than you 

shuwi @shuri

HEY

mj @michelle

it’s ok babe parker is already terrified of me

pp @peterparker

ur as scary as natasha so yeah

pp @peterparker

but we all know ur secretly soft uwu

avenge me bitch @palm

if we r still doing questions? this is mine: how tf are u so fit yet u eat out every day???

pp @peterparker

i work out

pp @peterparker

and i have a fast metabolism B)

avenge me bitch @palm

six pack tingz

in n out @stars

hey pete, do you think of tony as a dad?

pp @peterparker

basically

irondad @tonystark

i’m not crying who’s crying 

mother of two (2) children @pepperpotts 

you’re crying, tony

-

stephanie @ucallthemstephanieicallthemhephany

wait r shuri and mj dating????

shuwi @shuri

yes

ronnie @idk

WHAT

pp @peterparker

u call them stephanie i call them hephany 

ronnie @idk

are you high 

pp @peterparker

honestly? a lil bit

wade @wadewilson

why would you go straight to twitter

pp @peterparker

i miss you :(

ronnie @idk 

don’t u guys live together

pp @peterparker

i had to fly back to massachusetts cause that’s where i go to college

harley @harleykeener

mit baby

pp @peterparker

i’m so mad that i’m stuck with u

harley @harleykeener

you love me

wade @wadewilson

i miss u too pete

pp @peterparker

:(

-

harley @harleykeener

i found this old vid of me and pete dancing with morgan to hokus pokus by icp and it’s so funny lmao  _ [dancingvid.mov] _

ronnie @idk 

LMAO tony looks about ready to have a stroke when the lyrics are  _ hahahaha fuck you _

pp @peterparker

it’s ok i covered her ears 

irondad @tonystark

she said fuck the other day 

pp @peterparker 

and that’s because of us?

irondad @tonystark

yeah...no

-

mj @michelle

my mom doesn’t know i’m gay and thinks me n peter r dating

mj @michelle

guys actually help

pp @peterparker

does she know i’m GAY?

mj @michelle

no

shuwi @shuri

two straights in love

pp @peterparker

bro just come out

shuwi @shuri

lmao bro just come out

wade @wadewilson

bro just come out

mj @michelle

if she abandons me i’ll just stay with wade or ned

neddie @nedleeds

yeah u can stay with me

pp @peterparker

at least offer wade

wade @wadewilson

i already know she doesn’t want to 

mj @michelle

haha i love ned more

pp @peterparker

me too

wade @wadewilson

w o w

-

johnny @johnnystorm

please give me followers i’m new to twitter

pp @peterparker

NO

pp @peterparker

NO

pp @peterparker

NO

ronnie @idk

omg what is going on

pp @peterparker

john watch me shove my entire fist down your throat delete your twitter 

johnny @johnnystorm

like my whole account?

pp @peterparker

you heard me

johnny @johnnystorm

also what you said before sounded kind of sensual 

pp @peterparker

no it fucking didn’t pervert 

harry @harryosborn

lmao

pp @peterparker

this is a nightmare where are my friends

johnny @johnnystorm

they don’t know this twitter exists…only you

ronnie @idk

i’m here even tho i’m not ur friend who r these people

pp @peterparker

exs:(

ronnie @idk

oh yeah HARRY

harry @harryosborn 

gwen come on

harry @harryosborn

OH SHIT 

pp @peterparker

fuck u osborn 

harry @harryosborn

NO IM SORRY DONT BLOCK ME

_ @peterparker blocked @harryosborn _

harry @harryosborn

NO HE BLOCKED ME

wade @wadewilson

F

johnny @johnnystorm 

ex’s only

wade @wadewilson posted a photo: 

_ photo description: a picture of peter curled up next to wade flipping off the camera  _

harry @harryosborn 

w o w

mj @michelle

i’m his ‘ex’ yet he loves me more than both of you combined

mj @michelle 

sucks2 be u

johnny @johnnystorm

i didn’t even do anything wrong 

mj @michelle

oh  _ oh  _ ok, so when u dumped him BY LEAVING HIM ALONE AT THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE

mj @michelle

no but you “did nothing wrong”

mj @michelle

ur a real player 

shuwi @shuri

get him bb

ronnie @idk

i love just watching this go down

-

pp @peterparker

tony

irondad @tonystark

yes pete

pp @peterparker

who hires the interns

irondad @tonystark

uh jolene i think 

pp @peterparker

what’s her twitter handle

irondad @tonystark

_ @jolenejoleneeee _

pp @peterparker

JOLENE

jolene @jolenejoleneeee

yes peter 

pp @peterparker

fire johnny storm i beg you

jolene @jolenejoleneeee

will you quit if i don’t

pp @peterparker

yes 

jolene @jolenejoleneeee

fine

-

ronnie @idk

i wish i had a friend group like peters 

ronnie @idk

it’s so big and they’re all so supportive !!

shuwi @shuri

yesterday we were all on skype and we forced wade to eat a piece of grass

wade @wadewilson

they bully me :(

mj @michelle

basically how it went,

ned: EAT IT DO IT

peter: you can finally go vegetarian

wade: i already am!!!

me and shuri: DO IT WADE

harley: wade don’t be a wimp it’s literally grass 

riri: i’ve eaten play dough before

peter: me too it’s salty

ronnie @idk

see

TONY STARK FOLLOWS ME @tonystarkk

lmao hasn’t everyone eaten play dough?

ned @nedleeds

i havent

pp @peterparker

yeah well ur moms r like super sanitary 

mj @michelle

yeah but we love them uwu   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker


	16. physical therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second chapter of the day gang gang

rhodes @jamesrhodey

calling all the Tony Stark stans

 

harley @harleykeener

i was waiting for someone to say “i came as fast as i could” cause i’m a  _ strict  _ black widow stan

 

mj @michelle

peter,  _ bursting  _ into the avengers tower at three am, and sprinting to rhodey’s room: I CAME AS FAST I COULD

 

rhodes @jamesrhodey

actually i said that because tony and peter are in a feud

 

mj @michelle

oh YEAH tony’s mad at peter for what

 

rhodes @jamesrhodey

he hasn’t slept in three days

 

harley @harleykeener

uh which one

 

rhodes @jamesrhodey

peter benjamin parker 

 

pp @peterparker

Beter Benjamin Barker

 

wade @wadewilson

the b in your middle name stands for bitch cause you are able to survive on your willpower alone 

 

irondad @tonystark

PETER GO TO BED I SWEAR TO GOD

 

pp @peterparker

Beter Bo Bo Bed B Bwear to Bod

 

mj @michelle

bo bo

 

riri @ririupmyass

i’m having a breakdown why is he adding b to everything 

 

pp @peterparker

B’m Baving B Breakdown Bhy Bs Be Bdding B Bo Bverything

 

irondad @tonystark

that’s it.

 

pp @peterparker

Bhat’s Bt.

 

_ @peterparker deactivated twitter. _

 

irondad @tonystark

i win, son.

 

harley @harleykeener

crisis: averted 

peter: hacked

tony: smug

 

_ @peterparker reactivated twitter.  _

 

pp @peterparker

B’m Back Bitches

 

pp @peterparker

tony can i have a dog?

 

irondad @tonystark

no 

 

pp @peterparker

can i have a cat?

 

irondad @tonystark

...fine

 

pp @peterparker

party time 

-

 

Beter Barker Btan @immultiboyingual

@spidey, can we pleaseee get another q & a???

 

tin can @spidey

sure, but only cause i like ur name 

 

Beter Barker Btan @immultiboyingual

i’m sorry to put this pressure on you but who do you like more sam or bucky?

 

tin can @spidey

neither they’re both assholes 

 

tin can @spidey

but in life or death i would pick bucky

 

bucky @jamesbarnes

kinda mad u called me an asshole but happy you chose me in the end

 

sammie @samwilson

oh no spiderman doesn’t like me whatever will i do 

 

pp @peterparker

i don’t like you 

 

sammie @samwilson

NO

 

sammie @samwilson

are you joking 

 

pp @peteparker

guess we’ll never know

 

ronnie @idk

@spidey do you ship wade & peter

 

tin can @spidey

no me n dp is where it’s at

 

dp @deadpool

yeah they’re lame and don’t have superpowers unlike us the way better couple, we are superior 

 

mj @michelle

me and shuri are at the top of the food chain 

 

pp @peterparker

no that’s betty and ned

 

shuwi @shuri 

true!!! they are so cute together uwu

 

betty @bettee

i want to be timid and deny it, but it is true so what’s the point 

 

neddie @nedleeds

oh guys you shouldn’t have. 

 

wired @wiremeup

@spidey you have a whole fucking ton of friends, who are they? what’s the gc name? and what’s the most recent texts?

 

tin can @spidey

@harryosborn

@sallygirl

@notabrahamlincoln 

@bettee

@harleykeener

@peterparker

@ririupmyass

@shuri

@michelle

@nedleeds

@milesmorales

@spyder

@cindymoon

@wadewilson

@deadpool

and me 

 

matt @mattmurdock

why tf was i not invited 

 

pp @peterparker

21+ aren’t invited 

 

riri @ririupmyass

:(

 

pp @peterparker

*22 + aren’t invited 

 

tin can @spidey

the groupchat name is: peter parker is a dumbass

 

mj @michelle

LMAO

 

harley @harleykeener

that was me sorry guys 

 

tin can @spidey

it got changed to: harley keener fucking sucks 

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

i love watching from the side

 

creepers @immining

ok so here’s my question @spidey: why ur ass so

fine tho 

 

tin can @spidey

i wanna say squats but let’s be honest i don’t do that 

-

pp @peterparker

who’s ready to FUCKING die tonight 

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

wait no i’m scared

 

mj @michelle

babies are not invited 

 

miles for miles @milesmorales

IM SIXTEEN

 

hawry @harryosborn 

shuri i just noticed that are names are similar kinda so i’m not changing it

 

pp @peterparker

shuri’s name fits her

 

shuwi @shuri

yeah and i’m a princess so legally you have to listen to me

 

harley @harleykeener

oh my god peter

 

pp @peterparker

yessir

 

harley @harleykeener

you know what my name rhymes with

 

pp @peterparker

wiener? 

 

harley @harleykeener

:( it was supposed to be a surprise 

 

pp @peterparker

i figured it out when we first met and it’s your contact name

 

harley @harleykeener

oh your contact name is lil bro since i have two brothers 

 

pp @peterparker

is riri the other brother 

 

harley @harleykeener

yes

 

riri @ririupmyass

really guys 

 

irondad @tonystark

be nice to your sister 

 

pp @peterparker

you mean brother?

-

 

aunt may @maymarker

what the fuck is up you guys 

 

neddie @nedleeds

this sends me may why

 

pp @peterparker

OH MY GOD I MESSED UP ON HER LAST NAME

 

aunt may @maymarker

Peter, why did you post that? Get your ass to my house right now. 

 

pp @peterparker

may please you’re embarrassing me in front of all my followers 

 

wade @wadewilson

MAY MARKER

 

aunt may @maymarker

Wade, help, how do you change names?

 

wade @wadewilson

idk peter set my name up for me so i still don’t know 

 

irondad @tonystark

may i love you like family but your grammar is scaring me away

 

aunt may @maymarker

Tony, for one of the richest men in the world, you can’t use grammar for shit. @tonystark

 

pp @peterparker

at least she learned how to tag people 

 

neddie @nedleeds

damn she went hard tho 

 

irondad @tonystark

may what the fuck i thought you liked me

 

aunt may @maymarker

Pepper is my favorite.

 

pepper @pepperpotts 

Hi May!!!

 

aunt may @maymarker

Hello, Pepper!!!

 

pp @peterparker

omg moms converting

 

pepper @pepperpotts

I want to verify you, but your name is May Marker.

 

pp @peterparker

ugh i’ll change it, thanks for offering my account to be verified I HAVE 5 M FOLLOWERS AND MAY ONLY HAS 200k IM FILING A LAWSUIT

 

May @mayparker

If you can’t beat them, join them.

 

pp @peterparker

THAT MAKES NO SENSE

 

_ @mayparker has been verified _

 

pp @peterparker

if i say i’ll kill myself to get verified will you do it 

 

pepper @pepperpotts

no 

 

pp @peterparker

i like natasha more

 

pepper @pepperpotts

I like Morgan more.

 

pp @peterparker

no really??? you gave birth to her i’m gone

 

irondad @tonystark

pepper gave birth to you in her heart right hon

 

pepper @pepperpotts

Tony, you’re in a meeting, get off your phone or I’m blocking you on everything.

 

irondad @tonystark 

:(

-

 

tin can @spidey

ugh dislocating your shoulder hurts so much 

 

spider-man 2.0 @spyder

dude ?

 

tin can @spidey

shut up and stick to old ladies crossing the street or i will strangle you with my bare feet 

 

i don’t wanna go @toosoon

spiderman i stg dont tell me that you popped your shoulder back in place

 

tin can @spidey

i did, but it’s fine cause i actually know what i’m doing this time 

 

ronnie @idk 

wtf how many injuries have u had???

 

tin can @spidey

ok so, here we go ronnie are you ready

 

ronnie @idk 

not really 

 

tin can @spidey

so three years ago when i started spider-mining my first injury was a broken wrist, which in itself is iconic and my wrist now cramps up if i’m writing for more than two seconds so i don’t think it’s supposed to do that. 

 

tin can @spidey

but if i remember this is how many of a injury i had:

getting shot: 7-8 times in general 

getting stabbed: basically 4 times every year 

spraining something: every day 

dislocating something: every week

needing stitches??: every week

breaking something: in general it would probably be 2-3 times 

bruises: everyday 

 

ronnie @idk 

they way this is formatted makes me mad

 

ronnie @idk

also what the fuck spidey

 

irondad @tonystark

my heart is beating so fast kid

 

tin can @spidey

yeah i think i may need physical therapy 

 

irondad @tonystark

i’ll get on that

 

pp @peterparker

physical therapy is for losers, therapy is where it’s at!!! mental illness gang gang

 

mj @michelle 

peter no


	17. drugged pete is best boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m so excited to make the next chapter so you better eat this up

pp @peterparker

i love my cat so much but i’m sick and i can’t breathe and my eyes are watering 

 

harley @harleykeener

get her out then

 

pp @peterparker

you don’t understand 

 

harley @harleykeener

what

 

pp @peterparker

i love her. 

 

harley @harleykeener

you asked for this then 

 

harley @harleykeener

_ peterisdumb.mov  _

_ [video transcript] _

_ Peter is lying with his cat, tears fully streaming down his face as he sneezes. _

 

mj @michelle

HIS KITTEN SNEEZE OH MY GOD

 

pp @peterparker

i don’t have a kitten sneeze

 

wade @wadewilson 

babe you have a kitten sneeze 

 

pp @peterparker

betrayed by my own bf :(

 

irondad @tonystark

...you’re sick

 

pp @peterparker

oh no

 

biggest tony stark stan ever @tonystarkSTAN

what’s happening

 

irondad @tonystark

you didn’t tell me you were sick 

 

irondad @tonystark

you are working while SICK

 

pp @peterparker

dad please 

 

irondad @tonystark

no 

 

irondad @tonystark

harley why are you letting him work

 

harley @harleykeener

it’s a common  _ cold _

 

pp @peterparker

take a chill pill my dude.

 

irondad @tonystark 

both of you are grounded.

 

pp @peterparker

wtf

-

 

pp @peterparker

i just realized i’m taller than bucky, i can die happy 

 

bucky @buckybarnes

BY TWO INCHES

 

stevie wonder @steverogers

*3

 

bucky @buckybarnes

we r over

 

pp @peterparker

do i feel bad for breaking them up? maybe so… 

 

peter parker is my fucking bloodline @istanpp

maybeso.gif

 

pp @peterparker

thanks

 

avengers can AVENGE ME @imawhorelol

how tall is bucky

 

pp @peterparker

5’7

 

ronnie @idk

how tall are you

 

pp @peterparker

5’10

 

bucky @buckybarnes

TELL ME WHY I LOOK LIKE SEB STAN YET HES 6’0

 

pee-pee @lovely

ok but peter is still short that’s precious 

 

irondad @tonystark 

one inch taller than me 

 

pp @peterparker

F

 

irondad @tonystark

what...does that mean

 

pp @peterparker

uh like F in the chat like that sucks 

 

irondad @tonystark

thanks pete 

***

 

harley @harleykeener

_ real  _ interaction that took place between tony stark and peter parker

peter, drugged up on nyquil A LOt of nyquil: you know what you should call me

tony, pulling his fingers through peter’s hair: what bud 

peter:  _ pee-er _

tony: 

 

neddie @nedleeds

thank you very much harley!

 

harley @harleykeener

you are welcome!

  
  


harley @harleykeener

might go crazy and mess with peter 

 

riri @ririupmyass

do  _ not  _ mess with peter while he’s sick harley 

 

harley @harleykeener

i’ll do it only cause you told me not to

 

harley @harleykeener

peterdead.mov

_ [video transcript]  _

_ peter’s face is smushed up against the couch cushion as he snores softly, harley giggles as the camera gets closer to the sleeping boy and he uses his finger to push at peter’s nose. making him look like a pig :( _

 

irondad @tonystark

w h y

 

irondad @tonystark

leave him alone >:(

 

irondad irondad irondad!!! @tonytonytonyrony

his lil snores uwu

 

shuwi @shuri

how long has peter been sick it’s felt like ages since he called me

 

***

 

pp @peterparker

@tonystark

 

pp @peterparker

@tonystark

 

pp @peterparker

@tonystark

 

pp @peterparker

@tonystark

 

wade @wadewilson

babe

 

pp @peterparker

@tonystark

 

wade @wadewilson

babe he’s in a meeting, we went over this 

 

pp @peterparker

@tonystark

 

wade @wadewilson

_ peterSOBBING.mov _

_ [video transcript] _

_ peter is crying to wade about how much he misses tony. _

 

tony staN @everyonesfav

oh my god 

 

pp @peterparker

@tonystark

 

irondad @tonystark

ok pete i said i had an emergency what is it

 

pp @peterparker

TONYYYYYY ri love you so much and i love morgan dso much anhd i love pepper a lot but i love youuuuuuuu i lopve youuuuuuuuu i love youuuuuuuuu

 

irondad @tonystark

ok buddy i love you too 

 

pp @peterparker 

:&

 

neddie @nedleeds

peter is the hero we didn’t ask for but all needed 

 

pp @peterparker

tony is hero

 

neddie @nedleeds

okay fanboy

 

pp @peterparker

>:@

 

wade @wadewilson

i think he meant >:(

 

mj @michelle

i love drugged up peter

 

mj @michelle

i would party with drugged up peter

 

pp @peterparker

let’s pardy!!!!!!!!¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!!!!!!

 

mj @michelle

no peter you need rest maybe tomorrow?

 

pp @peterparker

>:)

 

neddie @nedleeds

a lil closer 

 

shuwi @shuri

awwww hey everyone mj has a soft spot for peter

 

shuwi @shuri

so cute 

 

mj @michelle

>:(

 

***

 

pp @peterparker

i’ve never been more embarrassed to look at old tweets in my entire life.

 

mj @michelle 

it was kinda sweet how big of a fanboy u really are

 

pp @peterparker

…

 

peter can raw me @beterbarker

i agree

 

pp @peterparker

your name says otherwise 

 

irondad @tonystark

i will pay you to change your name 

 

peter can raw me @beterbarker

my name is priceless.

 

pp @peterparker

keep it only to piss off tony stark

 

wade @wadewilson

i hate it

 

irondad @tonystark

glad we agree on something >:(

 

pp @peterparker

“peter can raw me” 

 

peter can raw me @beterbarker

i’m just happy u responded to me tbh

 

pp @peterparker

i’m kinda used to the name :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: @iloveyoupeterparker


	18. buzzfeed roasts peter parker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s been like a month oopsie

pp @peterparker

me, 13 and talking to my therapist sweat gathering on my forehead: yeah so i’m straight but i still think i would date boys but no homo haha no homo though, i’m not gay i love girls so much

 

harley @harleykeener

i relate to this on a spiritual level and i hate it. 

 

pp @peterparker

i hate you 

 

harley @harleykeener

thank you peter, very cool!

 

***

 

the sun @mymoon

i know deep in my heart that wade and peter are still dating but they like never EVER talk

 

what’s up gays @rainbowpride

who tf talks on twitter

 

the sun @mymoon

ur mom lol

 

what’s up gays @rainbowpride

what the fuck sam

 

wade @wadewilson

we call like every day 

 

pp @peterparker

it’s almost summer babey!!!!!!!! B)

 

irondad @tonystark

school comes first

 

pp @peterparker

B:|

 

***

 

avengers notice me @shitpostinggenerator

people with.                         high school/college 

adhd/anxiety                        students

                          🤝

       aggressively bouncing their leg

 

pp @peterparker

what happens if ur both ?

 

PETER FUCKING PARKER @shitpostinggenerator

than ur screwed 

 

pp @peterparker

well

 

***

 

pp @peterparker

you know those people on twitter with private accounts and 0 followers just so they could post screenshots of their “mental health” tips on instagram? yeah, fuck you.

 

*+*  _ drink water  _ *+* @selfcareisin

Okay Peter Parker, not everyone is like that. 

 

pp @peterparker

did including my last name help your case 

 

Stay Healthy Babes @loveyourbody

oh fuck you scrawny bitch

 

pp @peterparker 

b-but your url

 

mj @michelle

why are they all coming for you 

 

pp @peterparker

they just need to drink water, stay mentally healthy babes

 

follow me on instagram @healthcaretips

bitch. we are trying to help ACTUAL people with mental problems lol. 

 

pp @peterparker

well shit your right, i guess i’m not in that category than

 

irondad @tonystark 

peter you have anxiety 

 

follow me on instagram @healthcaretips

yeah um i’m talking about depression

 

pp @peterparker

i have that too

 

pp @peterparker

wanna help me

 

pp @peterparker

what are your tips?

 

pp @peterparker

_ @healthcaretips  _ hello?

 

_ @healthcaretips blocked @peterparker _

 

pp @peterparker

really

 

***

 

OMG @buzzfeedofficial

Mental Illness Awareness Month is coming up so here’s our top Celebrities who struggle with us. 

 

irondad @tonystark

number one every year baby

 

pp @peterparker

concerning but also i said i had anxiety and depression once? why am i number 2 

 

pp @peterparker

also what the  _ fuckity  _ fuck is this article

 

pp @peterparker

“Mental Illness Awareness Month is coming up so here’s our top Mental Illness’”

 

pp @peterparker

number one:  _ depression _

 

OMG @buzzfeedofficial 

We hate when people talk back to us, here’s our kill list. 

 

OMG @buzzfeedofficial 

Number one:  _ Peter Parker _

 

OMG @buzzfeedofficial

Number two:  _ Peter Parker _

 

OMG @buzzfeedofficial 

Number three:  _ Peter Parker _

 

pp @peterparker

yes ok i get it

 

***


	19. Blocked.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one:   
> Not a complete soul:  
> Me: right so once again sorry for not posting in months…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some light hearted spideypool content for u

pp @peterparker

thank u tony 

_ [photo of Peter lying next to AirPods, covered by a small blanket. Wade is in the background laughing, with his hands on his knees] _

 

irondad @tonystark

is this what you’re doing in your spare time?

 

LOVE YOU AVENGERS @avengemebaby

Wade cracking up in the background is funny to me

 

pp @peterparker

I told him to take the pic for me but he kept laughing so I had to set it up >:(

 

harley @harleykeener

the fact that that’s your biggest concern is pathetic 

 

pp @peterparker

you’re pathetic. 

 

harley @harleykeener

oh, worm, you funky little man

 

irondad @tonystark

I’m scared what’s happening

 

mj @michelle

they’re communicating

 

pp @peterparker

mom, I’m scared come pick me up 

 

pp @peterparker

oh wait :( 

 

May @mayparker

Stop making orphan jokes. 

 

pp @peterparker

okay, I swear on my parents graves :(

 

irondad @tonystark

STOP

 

***

 

Wanda-Woman @magicbitch

I have some wholesome Wade/Peter content, since everyone loves them. 

 

sammie @samwilson

I don’t 

 

Wanda-Woman @magicbitch

Who invited you? Nobody. 

 

Wanda-Woman @magicbitch

_ [video of Wade tickling Peter as the boy giggles, there are tears in his eyes as the person who is filming steps away when they both fall to the floor with a thud] _

 

pp @peterparker

I’m supposed to keep up my reputation stopppp

 

wade @wadewilson

what reputation…

 

pp @peterparker

rude hoe.

 

pp @peterparker

blocked. 

 

wade @wadewilson

wait unblock me I have something to say

 

pp @peterparker

fine.

 

wade @wadewilson

bitch. 


	20. UPDATE: Not a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read!

It’s been like  _ forever,  _ since I’ve touched this fic. I’ve made an executive decision that I’m making a new twitter fanfiction apart of my “group-chat” universe. Have a swell day, and thanks for the ever-loving support. Y’all rock!

**Author's Note:**

> comment if u like it, god knows i need criticism


End file.
